Thursday, December 24, 2009

Update 7

You are not going to believe what happened with date 18 aka Player. After I sent him the text message, I decided to do a bit of digging. I have been dating players most of my life and have become quite the expert at finding out lies and secrets. I noticed that his jdate profile was updated and when I checked it I noticed a few changes.... First change was that he was no longer listed as "single man looking for woman" he was now listed as "divorced man seeking woman". The second change was that he was no longer listed as a "conservative Jew" he was now listed as "Culturally Jewish but not practicing" ( he had told me that he loves Judaism so much and that he would only be married by an orthodox rabbi cause Judaism is sooo important to him). He was no longer listed as having a "Masters Degree" and was now listed as having a "Bachelors Degree" (pun intended!!!).
The best thing I found out by realizing that we have a common friend was that he is also a father on two with joint custody!!!! Hello LIAR! Instead of getting angry I decided to see the positive in this situation. The first positive is that he obviously does have a heart and realized that what he did was wrong and thus changed his profile to be more honest. The second is that perhaps his intentions were to come visit and sleep with a pretty girl but once he met me he realized that I am a sweet respectable girl and he didn't even try to take advantage. The third is that he stopped talking to me right away because if he kept playing me I would have gotten way deeper in and gotten way more hurt at the end. The way I am deciding to see this is that although his intentions were probably bad to begin with, he met me and liked me and realized that he had shot himself in the foot. How could he now come out and tell me that he had been lying this whole time, he took the cowards way out and disappeared. For my own closure and sanity I decided to write him an email. Not sure if it was the right or wrong thing to do but to be honest I don't care cause it makes absolutely no difference!

Here is the email I sent:
I'm not sure if you will read this or not and perhaps you will even read it and have a good laugh. I don't mind. I couldn't possibly feel more foolish then i already do.
I have obviously figured out by now that you are "just not that into me" and normally I would just accept that and move on (even though it has never really happened before). But I feel compelled to tell you that what you did was really cruel and I have no idea why you even bothered to talk to me and then meet me and promise me the world. You completely made up a fake person and told me everything I wanted to hear. I was being totally real with you the entire time and I bought everything you were saying (thats my naiveness I guess).
The reason for this email is not to get anything from you its simply to let you know that you do have a way with girls and have the ability to affect them and surprisingly enough, I was really sad and hurt when you disappeared with no explanation. Maybe I am the one girl who is not too proud to be vulnerable and honest and tell you that I actually liked you and got hurt.That being said, I really hope that you will consider being honest with a girl before you go out with her. Tell her that you are not looking for anything serious and just want to have fun, or stop dating until you are really ready to do all those wonderful things you promised me you would do.
I think somewhere underneath all your baggage you were probably hurt very badly one time and this is how you are handling it. I also think its impossible to totally make up who you are which means some of what you told me must be true. So I do not think you are a bad person and I still wish you all the best and hope one day you will be ready to receive real love and you will be comfortable enough with your truth to tell it to her (whoever she may be).
A part of me wishes we never met, another part wishes you were for real and another part feels that perhaps we met for a reason and maybe that reason is to ask you to please stop playing your game and then maybe you can find real happiness. B'Hatslacha.

I would say that I miss you and really like you but you are not real.

So goodbye...

He removed his profile off jdate the very next day. I never heard from him again which is good. I know what happens to me when I decide I like a guy. I can be convinced of almost anything. In my past I was convinced to stay with guys who cheated and guys who used heavy drugs. More recently I was considering celebrating Christmas (which went against my beliefs) all because of love. And if this guy led me on for long enough, who knows, I may have considered being a step mom at 26 years old!!

No more settling!!! I need to grow up! I can't be a stupid 16 year old who keeps falling for players who will make me question and challenge my own non- negotiable list. No liars, no cheaters, no players, no party-ers, no daddys, nobody else's husbands/boyfriends! No guys that I need to change or mold into my ideal mate. No body that will need to convert to make me happy. No body that will need to stop using drugs or change their life style to make me happy. I will be patient and wait until I find my perfect match, my bashert, my soul-mate..............................

Saturday, December 19, 2009

My Nineteenth Date

I started talking to him on the phone the day that my ex and I decided to stop talking. We seemed to have much in common, both recently out of a relationship with a non-Jew and both ended for that reason. We seemed to really click over the phone. I enjoyed talking to him and he was very intelligent. He had a bit of an interesting family dynamic which meant that he was not perfect and to be honest that was a relief. I had been talking to him on the phone for a few days (I decided that this helps make the first date less awkward). Before we had a chance to go out on a date, we actually bumped into each other at a party that was hosted by Jewish promoters. I recognized him and said hi. I was a bit disappointed. I was in very high heels which made him seem shorter then he admitted to and he wasn't the best looking guy in the world. The truth is that he was supposed to be date number 18 but in the meantime I had started talking to Player and was less eager to meet him. After I realized Player was too good to be true, I gave myself a little lecture. This guy was everything that Player claimed to be except that he was real and honest and genuine. He may not be as good looking but perhaps that would turn out to be the best thing about him! I was so mad at myself for being so superficial and not giving him a fair chance. He called me or text messaged me everyday and we continued to talk. I was really enjoying our conversations. We decided to meet for lunch. I drove to the area that he worked in and we went out for lunch together. We discovered that we both LOVE this particular restaurant and we both order the same thing (except he gets chicken and I get veal). We both order extra sauce on the sandwich and extra sauce on the side! Since it was lunch time and we were both not that hungry we decided to share a chicken sandwich. Yes, I compromised and tried his favorite and actually loved it! Lunch was short but fun. We continued to talk on the phone and met a second time for coffee before he had to leave for Israel. Another very ironic thing since I was wanting to go there. On our second date, he surprised me with a book. We had been chatting about the ship Exodus (a very famous ship that my grandmother was on after the Holocaust) and he bought me a book about it. I didn't have the heart to tell him that I hate reading history books and besides I thought that it was so thoughtful of him! Although I don't have that insane chemistry with him, I like him a bit more each time we talk and each time I see him. He left for Israel and will be gone for about 2 weeks but hopefully we will stay in touch via email. In the meantime I will still be open to dating others as I have far from decided how I feel about him. But I am really glad that I didn't go with my first instinct and that I gave him another chance.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Eighteenth Date.

I randomly messaged a guy that I had added to msn about a month ago from jdate. I vaguely remembered speaking to him and I recalled that his profile picture was cute. We started chatting and he asked if he could call me. It was weird but I felt a connection even from the brief chat so I gave him my number. We spoke for about an hour and then I had to go for dinner with my family. He added me to his blackberry messenger so that we could chat later on. He lives about 6 hours from me but said that he comes to my city every 2 weeks for business and would be coming in very soon. That night he messaged me and then called me and we spoke until 4 am. He said everything right. He told me that my pictures were gorgeous and that he couldn't wait to meet me. He called me endearing names in Hebrew, which I loved! He told me all about his family and I told him about mine. He seemed like everything I would want on paper, the missing piece was whether or not we had physical chemistry. His pictures were cute but I have been disappointed before... So I remained a bit skeptical. He was quite a bit older then me, almost 9 years but told me that he was very young at heart. He seemed to be smart, successful, TALL, sweet, respectful, and just an all around good person. The next day he messaged me and I actually got butterflies in my stomach! I was so excited to hear from him and it has been a long time since a guy has made me feel like that! I started to make it "meant to be" in my head. I thought, maybe g-d made the closure with my ex so that I could properly receive love from this guy. He matched exactly what I said i was looking for. He was the right age to want no bullshit and to just find the one and get married. It really seemed perfect... So much so that the number 18 is a very significant number in Judaism and two other guys cancelled this week making him date number 18!

There have been various mystical numerological speculations about the fact that, according to the system of Gematria, the letters of chai add up to 18. For this reason, 18 is a spiritual number in Judaism, and many Jews give gifts of money in multiples of 18 as a result. In the Hebrew language, the word chai (חַי) spelled by these two letters means "living," is related to the term for "life," chaim, and also appears in the slogan "`am yisrael chai!" (עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי, "The people of Israel live!" (Wikipedia).

We spoke the next day a few times and then again that night until 3 am. We even spoke and text messaged each other the next day. He was talking as if we were together and it felt comfortable and nice. He told me that he had a meeting in my city in two days and that he was coming in and wanted to see me. He arrived at 7:30 pm and by 8 we were together. I let him pick me up, which I NEVER do! As soon as I got into his car there was such a sense of relief because he was actually really good looking which made him the perfect complete package! We went out for coffee and as we were ordering he gave me a kiss on my forehead (that is one of my most favorite things). I was totally hooked, lol. I told him on the phone that I do not kiss on the first date so as we were sitting down he said "make sure you keep your hands to yourself because I don't kiss on the first date!" He was charming and funny and sexy! It took me maybe 10 minutes before we kissed and the kiss was awesome! He was talking about marriage and that he hopes our kids would look like me. OMG a guy who is not afraid to talk about marriage!!! Where has this man been hiding all my life! Or maybe G-d was saving him for when I was ready! We drove around my area a bit and we were looking at homes that were for sale. He told me that he would buy me whichever one I wanted and that he could give me a very nice life. He told me that he wanted to take care of me, even though he knew that I was an independent woman on my own. Everything he was saying seemed like the fairy tale ending I was hoping for. We went back to my house, I have NEVER let anyone even see where I live let alone come in on a first date! He met my mom and my sister and even my dog, who usually barks at everyone, did not bark at him. We kissed a lot and there was passion and chemistry and I could not believe that this was really happening! I made sure to keep my bedroom door open for two reasons, I didn't trust him not to try anything and I didn't trust myself not to want what he might try. We had a really great night but it was late and he had to get back to his friend's place and had a very early meeting in the morning.
He told me that after the meeting he would call me and take me for lunch. He called me at lunch time and told me that the meeting went very well and that he and his business partner needed to head back to the office to start on the order right away and that he will try to get back here to see me as soon as he could. I didn't here from him the entire 6 hour drive back and by that time I was already at work. When I finished work at 10 pm I had a voice mail from him saying that his phone battery had died so he couldn't call me the whole way home but that he was home now and wanted me to message him when I was done work and then he promised to call to say good night. I messaged him at about 11 and he said that he was jumping into the shower and would call me very soon. He didn't call that night. I didn't hear from him the next day or evening. I finally decided that I have nothing to lose, he doesn't even live near me, so I messaged him. I asked him if he had fallen in the shower last night. He said "oh babe, i am so sorry, I crashed right after the shower in bed and work has been insane today. I use the "work is really busy" line on guys that I am not interested in seeing again. I said "ok, talk to you soon then," knowing full well that I had been played. Perhaps its Karma coming back to bite me in the behind after doing this to a bunch of the guys that I had been on dates with. Perhaps I am supposed to take a few valuable lessons out of this.... Guys lie. And if it seems to good to be true, it often is. Also, I am more naive then i thought I was and I need to be a bit more cautious of the players. My final clue to this story was that I was driving on the highway today and saw a license plate that had his initials and then the word player! so if his name was John Smith, the license plate was JSPLAYER... Thanks for the clear sign G-D!
I will admit that I was disappointed and let down but he must have served some important purpose in my process and on my journey so I still wish him well and secretly hope that he really is just "busy with work"....

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Update 6

Since my last update about a week ago, I have not talked to my ex. I felt, from the moment that he said I can not come to see him for Christmas, that we were over forever. I have deleted or blocked him for all forms of communication. I have not logged into skype or gchat or msn or anything since that day. I feel a sense of relief. I feel as though he came into my life for a very specific reason. He taught me so much. He made me believe in true love. He showed me what is was like to be treated kindly and with respect. He also showed me how much I love my religion and what I was willing to sacrifice for it. I think that he is one of the most wonderful people in the world (minus his stubbornness) and I wish him only good things. I have a few resentments but I believe that everything happens for a reason and that there is a specific divine reason that he let me go. It was the most bizarre thing. I went to the rabbi, I prayed for clarity, he was randomly home on a day that he usually works and I was randomly awake super early in the morning, and he could not have been more clear in saying that we are done. It felt like the right time for him to say it and the right time for me to hear it. I was way to scared to make a decision and so he made it for us. And for that I thank him. I asked the rabbi why he thought that I wasn't the one to say it and he told me that he believes that sometimes G-d does for us what we are not strong enough to do for ourselves. The truth is that even if he converted, I still had a few other worries about spending the rest of my life with him. We had different goals and dreams. I want to raise a family and although he says he does to, there is a huge part of him that I feel would never be truly happy settling down in Suburbia and putting in the 9-5 hours needed to survive. He is a free spirit and I am a calculated and organized person, that likes to plan for the future. So in the meantime I will keep dating and keep praying for my Bashert (soul mate). By the way, I was a HUGE skeptic of this whole praying thing but it is actually quite therapeutic and helps organize thoughts and for me is actually working. I feel confident that there is a big plan out there for me and that the less I try to control it, the better it will be and the more I will appreciate it. I am strongly considering going to Israel very soon as everything the rabbi has suggested has been a good decision so far.

I read over a bunch of comments left by people and I really just want to say thanks! Your insight has been so helpful and I truly appreciate the support. I agree with all of you who have been saying that there is no way i can fully put myself out there while I am communicating with him and since I have stopped (I know its only been a week but it feels for real this time) I feel more open to finding someone else to be close to. I also have really taken a look at what I want for the future and having a Jewish home and a Jewish family, I have decided, is very high on my list. I need someone who has the same outlook on life as I do and I hope he is out there looking for me right now.

Wish me luck!

Monday, December 14, 2009

My Seventeenth Date.

How do I explain this one... He could not have done anything more "right" on our date. When I walked in he got up from his seat and took off my jacket. He told me that I looked nice. He even got me a Hanukkah gift that directly related back to a joke I made when we talked on the phone last week (it was pink socks.. long story). He was polite and respectful the entire evening.
The truth is that without attraction it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. I had already decided that I did not like him. I don't know if this is mean or shallow or what but it is just the way it is. If a guy I "clicked" with did all these things, I would have melted and fallen in love on the spot. But when this guy did it, it almost felt weird and uncomfortable for me.
I did learn something about myself on this date. I know that I am "just not that into him" when I stop watching what I say and I let it all out. For example, I told him that I am bitchy and moody most of the time, I told him that I go to therapy for my severe control issues and I even told him that he seemed too nice which is usually a target for me to be extra mean.
Now picture a guy maybe 5'8 and about 130 pounds telling me that he can handle me and that he is really tough and wants to take on the challenge of taming me. I nearly fell off my seat laughing!!!
After about an hour he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else to continue our date, i told him that I was way to tired and needed to get home. He said "I thought you told me that you were a night owl and liked to stay up late". GET THE HINT BUDDY!!! Don't try to catch me in a lie and make me explain to you that yes I am a night owl I just don't want to hang out with you anymore. Just gracefully take the hint and leave with some pride and dignity. Not this guy... Nope, this guy walks me to my car and tries to "sexily" grab my chin and leans in for a kiss. Are you kidding me?? Who is this guy and where did he get the guts (or maybe the lack of social cues) to feel like he could get away with that? I pulled back and again, trying to be polite, told him that I never kiss on a first date and that I am not that "kind" of girl. Does he let that one go? Hell no! He says, " you've never kissed on a first date? Not even one person? Not ever?" Ahhhhhh! I wanted to scream. I told him that I once did and then I never talked to that guy again cause I found him so disrespectful. So he says "well then I will make you a deal... we wont kiss tonight but then you have to promise me a second date so that we can kiss!" Bahahahah, Its a deal little man!
Yes, these guys actually exist and guess what.. you can find them on jdate!!! Kill me!!!!

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Update 5

Since my last update, my conversations with my ex have been more frequent and more intense. We started to say "I love you" again and have opened up about our feelings for each other. I know when this happens, he gets scared and tries to protect himself from getting hurt. This is the same reason that we went on a no talking break last month. In a sick way, I have been waiting for the ball to drop cause things were going to well and starting to feel really nice and comfortable again.
I went to the Rabbis house last night and spoke with him and his wife until almost midnight. I got a lot of insight and had a really interesting conversation with them. I explained that I was so confused and that I couldn't decide if I think that being with a non Jew was a sin or not. I also couldn't decide how I would know if G-d wants me to be with my ex or not. The Rabbi recommended that perhaps I should take a trip to Israel to learn a bit more to clarify some of my questions. He said that for some reason he feels very strongly that I need to go to the Wailing Wall in Jerusalem and just pray there. He told me that he thinks I should go as soon as possible. He gave me some really interesting insight into his theories of how G-d tests us and how different things are weighed differently for different people. He told me that he felt that I was being tested right now. He told me to pray for more clarity and I did. Then, talk about divine intervention... I woke up really early today and set out to meet my cousin downtown, but there was a huge snowstorm and traffic was so bad that it would have taken me 3 hours to get there so I turned around and came back home. On the other side of the world, my ex randomly decided to switch his day off with someone and just so happened to be at home today as well. So we spoke. We had both avoided discussing the issue of seeing each other in two weeks over the Christmas vacation. He brought it up today saying that I can not come and that he does not believe that we are meant to be. I felt such a sense of relief. I prayed for clarity and my ex could not have spelled it out anymore clear than that. Although I was a bit disappointed in myself that I did not have the courage to say how I was really feeling about seeing him and I once again left the deciding up to someone else, I still felt relieved. I told him about what the Rabbi had said and I told him that I agreed that seeing each other would be like re-opening a wound. I didn't say much to him on the phone. I was pretty quiet for the most part. He told me that its too painful to keep up the false hope of being together when nothing seems to be changing or pointing in that direction. He had to go to some appointment so he cut the conversation short by telling me that despite everything and despite how I might be feeling right now, he cares about me and loves me. I said okay and hung up.
After I hung up I began to cry. I asked my mom to come to my room and she held me and cried with me. It was the first time that she has been able to truly put her feelings aside and be sad for me just because I was in pain. It felt like I was getting my mom back. I think we really needed that moment after all the resentment and animosity that has been between us for the last 2 months.
I am sad but relieved. I was doing great while we were not talking to each other for 2 weeks and then he had to go and message me and I got roped back in. I have not been able to fully date with an open mind and I recognize this. I have been comparing everyone to him while looking at him in a very perfect light, which made it close to impossible for the first 16 guys. I need the strength to keep myself from talking to him and to help myself to heal.
Although I still don't know what the future holds for me, I owe it to myself and to him to do this right.
So "G-d, please guide me. Give me the strength to do what I need to do to be happy. Please help me along this difficult process and help me find the right path, whatever it may be. Help me love myself and give myself what it is that I was looking to get from my ex. And please (when I am ready)help me find my Bashert (soul mate), who ever he may be". Amen.

Sunday, December 6, 2009

My Sixteenth Date.

I originally had plans to meet him on Tuesday after work. I told him that I would call him when I finished but I ended up having to stay a lot later and then realized that I did not even remember to bring his phone number with me. So when I got home, I wrote him an e-mail to explain the situation and to apologize. He said it was no problem and we rescheduled. I met him for bubble tea. It is one of my favorite bubble tea places in the city. He said he was an amateur bubble tea drinker and asked for some guidance in ordering. I will have to admit that he was really funny. He kept me laughing for most of the evening. His sense of humor was very similar to mine. We talked about our families and laughed about their quirks and about our fathers Israeli accents. I actually had a really great time. I couldn't tell if he was successful because he explained what he did and I have no idea if its a 20K a year type of job or a 200K a year type of job cause I had never really heard of it before. Not that I am a gold digger (cause I am quite financially independent) but there is a significant difference between 20 and 200. The only real issue was that I was not really attracted to him. I kept thinking the whole time that it was such a shame that there was no chemistry and I kept thinking about who I could set him up with so that such a good guy would not go to waste! It's not that he was bad looking, he was a good height and weight, dressed well, had good hair and pretty good features, its just that I didn't find him attractive. I couldn't picture kissing him (its my secret test of attraction... can I picture myself kissing him with out barfing a little). He didn't pass that test. He paid for our tea and walked me to my car. We hugged goodbye. He asked me for my number and I told him that I do not like to give it out. I was thinking that maybe I should give it to him cause he would be an awesome funny friend but then decided not to. He emailed me the next day asking for a second date. I figure I have noting to lose so I agreed to go out one more time, after all, I did have a good time and who knows maybe I will hook him up with one of my friends or maybe he will become a great friend!

Friday, December 4, 2009

Update 4

HELP ME!!! Somebody, anybody! Please get me out of my head! Since my last update, I have spoken to my ex two times in the last week. I miss him. I really think that there is no one else out there that I will fit with as perfectly. But on the other hand I fear what will happen if I choose a future with him and go against my family and my beliefs. I go back and forth all day between the positives and the negatives. I speak to one friend and go home thinking "he's the one! I should screw everything and follow my heart" and then I speak to another friend or family member and think "how could I do this, I will never be fully happy if I do not honor my beliefs." Ahhhh!

After he messaged me last week and I didn't respond, he sent me a sad email. I responded with a rude and angry email telling him to stop being so sad since this was all his fault. He sent me a counter email explaining that I was mistaken and that this was not his fault but a result of me living in fear. Just as I was about to write a counter email, I shut my computer and decided to wait a few days to reply. I went to a very interesting womans workshop, led by an amazing psychologist, and we talked about "bad intentions thinking". I learned a lot and they psychologist actually used my dilemma as the example for one of the exercises. I got a bit more insight into the reasons that it is so difficult for me to make big decisions. In the past I tended to just listen to my parents and do the "right" thing. I never went through the proper adolescent stage of following my friends advice and thinking that they were smarter then my parents. I totally missed that crucial phase and still have an infantile view of my parents being the "smartest people in the world". It actually really messes me up when I think I am hurting or disappointing my parents so it was way easier to just let them make my decisions. Anyways, enough of the psycho mumbo jumbo as my dad likes to call it... I wrote him a totally different kind of email. I told him that I am remaining committed to this 50 date process. I wanted to get away from the finger pointing and blame game and just continue to do what I set out to do. To figure out who I am and what I want. He sent me back a nice email and so it began again...We spoke Sunday for 2 hours and then we spoke for about 4 and a half hours last night.
We talked about some of my fears. We talked about some of his fears. We talked about how scary it was to think that we may never find this kind of love again with other partners. We talked about what it would be like if we saw each other when he came to the States for Christmas.
So that is my new dilemma... do I go and see him over the break? Would that be opening the wound again? Would it make my process more difficult? Am I perhaps meant to see how his family celebrates Christmas to calm some of my fears or to make it more clear to myself that this is not for me? How will I deal with the judgement from my family? Am I supposed to see him regardless of how this all plays out simply because I get one life to live and I just want to see him again....
Why is it so damn hard for me to just make a decision without living in fear of the consequences. Why can't I just stop thinking and just do something without worry or fear or stress?!?!

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

My Fifteenth Date.

One of my old boyfriends (dated him when I was 19) had his 30th birthday party. We have remained in touch over the last 7 years and we would hang out a few times a year to catch up. This weekend was his 30th birthday party and he told me that I must come. He wanted me to meet his new "girl of the month" and he also wanted to introduce me to one of his single friends that he thought I might be interested in. I decided to go. It was a great party, I got to see all of his friends that I used to hang out with years ago, I got to meet his new gf and hang out with his siblings, who I hadn't seen in a long time either. Then a guy walked in about 2 hours late. He was tall, very good looking and I assumed he must be the one I was supposed to meet. By that time, the birthday boy was so drunk that he didn't realize he was supposed to introduce me to him. I was trying a new approach, my pushy approach didn't work on my cousin's friend that never called, so I waited. He ended up coming up to me and we chatted for a bit. He was really cute. He was not that smart and not so great at making conversation but I will definitely say he was at least an 8 on the looks scale. (That is very high because I don't believe anyone is a 10!) Anyways, I had to go shortly after that so I said goodbye to everyone at the party and gave him a kiss on the cheek. There were too many people around to give him my number so I just left. I figure, if he wants my number then he will ask his friend to give it to him. I am working on not being so aggressive and letting things just happen. I was debating if I should call or text the guy that didn't call me (my cousins friend) and ask him why he didn't call and thats when I decided to adopt this philosophy of backing off and letting a guy be a guy. If he didn't call and if this one doesn't make the effort to get my number then "they are just not that into me". And that's okay :)

Friday, November 27, 2009

My Fourteenth Date

This guy on jdate messages me using my nickname from highschool... So I say ya, and you are?? He tells me who he is. He was a friend of the guy I dated for most of high school. I totally didn't recognize him. He got taller and better looking and had been working out a lot. He went from a boy to a man. He asked me if it would be weird if he asked me out. I said that it wouldn't be weird for me at all and it depends if he feels it would make his friend upset. He told me that he has had a crush on me since high school and was always jealous of his friend because he got to date me. He was using lines like "you are so hot". We decided to meet one night after I was done work around 10 PM. He walked in and I could tell that he was nervous and acted just as awkwardly as he did in high school. I guess going to the gym does not create self esteem, go figure! That was not all that was the same since then... He still hung out with the same friends, they were all still single, most still living with their parents. And above all, they still smoked pot everyday. He kept begging me not to tell my ex that we were out together for coffee. I told him that we dated 10 years ago and that I highly doubted he would care. i told him that I haven't seen or spoken to him in years but that if I was ever asked, I wouldn't lie. He seemed uncomfortable and nervous and mentioned it a few more times through out the date. In conversation I realized that he couldn't focus on the topic or keep his attention. He interrupted a lot with things that had nothing to do with what we were talking about. It was like that Disney movie "UP". I would be talking and he would get distracted by a "squirrel"! It was actually quite irritating. I felt like I was talking to one of the teens that I counsel except he was in the body of a 29 year old! He had not been in a serious relationship since he was 19 and couldn't understand why. I could!!!! He thought the same type of things we laughed about in high school were still funny. It was so bizarre to see that after 10+ years of not seeing him he only changed physically but remained completely emotionally and socially unchanged. I have been telling my teens about him this entire week and using him as a true life example of what weed can do to you long term, so at least the date was not a total waste!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

My Thirteenth Date.

After telling date number 12 that I was too tired to go for coffee, I called my cousin and met up with her. She took me to a bar/lounge to meet up with some of her friends and she mentioned that one of the guys that would be there is cute, tall, successful and single! When we got there there was a group of 6 of her friends. I met him and he was in fact all of the above. We hit it off right away. We were chatting and flirting and it was going great. He was teasing me about living in suburbia and I was bashing his downtown living. We talked about switching places for a week to be able to appreciate the other person's ideas of living. It was then suggested that instead of switching that we should just both stay at his place for a week and then mine for a week so that we are not lonely... My cousin and her friend were staring at us and pointing so we finally turned to them and asked what they were talking about. She said that she bets that we have exchanged numbers already cause we look like we were having such a good time. So I said "actually we haven't exchanged numbers yet but I am moving in with him tomorrow". He smiled and said it was true. We talked until 2 am and then it was time to go. He walked me to my car and asked me for my number. I gave it to him. He didn't call the next day so I figured he was going to do the 3 day rule like some guys like to do. But its been 3 days and he hasn't called. Guess he's not the one either... Bummer... He was a really nice guy that I actually was interested in getting to know.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Update 3

Its been about two weeks since I heard from my bf or ex or whatever you want to call him... He randomly messaged me yesterday at 8 am my time. He said "hey" and I didn't respond and then 10 minutes later he said "hi?". It took every ounce of my self control not to write back to him. I wanted to tell him that I have missed him, that I think about him all the time and that I love him so much and wish things were different. I figured none of this would have been very helpful so I decided to follow the advice that I often give friends, family and clients... DO NOTHING. Its the simplest/most complicated philosophy that I have. When I am not sure what to do in a situation, I do nothing. This allows me time to think before I act and to play out what would happen if I did something. In this case I realized that the only thing I really want to hear from him is that he misses me so much that he is converting and moving here to be with me. At this point, I don't want to make small talk or hear about what he had for lunch. I feel that it will be impossible for me to give any guy a fair chance if I know that I am running home to get on the phone with my ex right after a date etc. It is very hard for me to avoid talking to him cause I miss him terribly but I am committed to this project and I don't want to screw up what I am trying to do by having him cloud my mind. He asked me for the break and just cause he is done with the break doesn't mean that I need to be. I am still entitled to my space and to do what I have set out to do. If I talk to him I want to be able to say that I have done what I wanted to do and realize that I can not be without you and that you are more important to me then religion and I am on the next plane over to be with you. I am no where near close to saying that and therefore feel that the small talk is unnecessary and cruel to both of our hearts. So I will be the strong one and try my hardest not to talk to him for now. I was so messed up the whole day just from receiving a "hello", that I can't imagine how messed up I would be if we had a whole conversation. I think I am doing the right thing. I know this because it is difficult and it hurts like hell. I hope he is doing okay and I will continue my jdates until I have more clarity about what I want in life....

I got a very interesting email from a girl who is in the exact same situation as me... She took a 3 month break from her non jewish bf to go on jdates. She ended up missing him and after 6 months got back together... I believe that if me and my ex are meant to be then we will be and choosing to talk or not talk right now will make no difference in the larger picture. Thanks for the email J.S. it gave me a bit of hope and strength!!!

My Twelfth Date

So four unsuccessful dates in three days.... I am officially convinced that every guy on here is short and blading and knows someone who does trick photography. He looked HUGE in his pictures. I even told my friend on the way down to the date that this guy was big, tall and built. I am not exaggerating when I say that when I met him for dinner and he got up to greet me, he was maybe as tall as me and I am short for a girl!!! We had a big booth and he looked like a tiny little man sitting at the other side of the table. We ordered drinks. I ordered a drink with no alcohol cause I was driving and cause I don't like to drink anyways. He ordered 2 alcoholic drinks and said that it was okay cause he was walking home. Walking home? He lives like a 30 minute walk from where we were... Anyways, we had dinner, it was pretty good food. I knew I didn't like him so I didn't care how I acted. I used swear words, told him about some of the bad dates I have gone on, talked about my exs... The works! All he kept saying was "you know what else I like about you"... I like that you are so real that you swear when you talk... You know what else... I like that you don't dress in uniform like most girls... You know what else... I like how you wear your hair... blah blah blah. I asked what he meant about the dressing in uniform, he said that most girls my age wear uggs and yoga pants. I said, "well, I wear that all the time". You should have seen him get so nervous and try to get his foot out of his mouth! He then asked me if I ever let a guy pick me up on a first date. I said no, I prefer to drive myself and meet him there. He said "perfect answer! If you had told me that you like when guys pick you up, this would have been our last date!" Really? Is that would have made this our last date??? Then he told me that he thought I was sweet and caring and organized. He told me that he is very intuitive and he can read people very well. I told him that I was none of the above. He said that he could tell that I was just being difficult and he likes that in a woman. Lucky me... After about an hour and a half, I yawned (a pretty large yawn). He turned to the waiter and said "check please, I can tell you are exhausted and that you want to get home". I offered to pay for my dinner. He said no but its good that you offered cause if you had not offered then this would be our last date. Damn, if only I had known that, I wouldn't have offered!!! Now I need a different way out, lol. He asked me if I was too tired to get a coffee and I said that I was and needed to get home.
I was feeling pretty bummed after 4 bad dates so I called my cousin and met up with her and some of her friends. One guy was really nice and we chatted until 2 am. He took my number and we will see if he calls....

Saturday, November 21, 2009

My Eleventh Date.

This is beginning to get ridiculous. He looked NOTHING like his picture. Nothing, not even close. When I walked into the restaurant to meet him for lunch, I was thinking that there must be some mistake, someone is playing a cruel joke on me. He was a greasy guy with terrible skinny teeth and a terrible body and just terrible. I was so disappointed. We chatted before the date and he seemed like a really great guy but there was zero attraction. We ordered 2 appetizers cause it was a late lunch. I ordered avo egg rolls and then he said that he would also have the same. So I told him that was silly, we may as well order something else and just share the two things. The waitress recommended a cheese and spinach dip. As soon as she brought them I realized that I was totally grossed out at the idea of sharing food with him. I usually don't care about stuff like that so you can imagine how much he turned me off. I told him that I am just getting over a cold so to please not double dip and that we should both just take some of the dip into our own plates and not share from the middle plate. He told me that he was a mechanical engineer so i imagine that he is quite successful. He told me about passed relationships and that his last gf cheated on him. He told me that to get her back, he hacked into her email account. That made you two even?!?!? So weird! The waitress asked him if he was from a different country because of his accent. So he said yes and then turned to me and said "you see, you have some competition to be with me". Too bad because of the language barrier he didn't understand that she was not complimenting him but rather explaining to him why it was hard for her to understand what the hell he was saying!!I made some kind of comment about my future children and he said "Its our first date, we are not having kids together yet"! Haha, witty.... How about we are not having kids together EVER!!! I tried to make him disinterested as a new tactic to avoid the awkward email or phone call after the date by telling him that everyone cheats and I think its perfectly fine as long as you are not married. Somehow this backfired and made him even more interested. I offered to pay and he said no no, you can pay next time. NEXT TIME??? Really? Can I? Needless to say that was our first and last date.

My Tenth Date.

I learned a new jdate lesson today. His picture was actually really good looking! However, it was a head shot only. We spoke on the phone a bit and I realized that he was a difficult person that seemed quite set in his ways. I could tell that he thought he was good looking by the way he spoke about himself and his arrogant and cocky attitude. I was feeling up for a challenge so we decided to meet. So like I said, his head was very good looking, as for the rest of him... Totally not my type. He was very short, way shorter then the 5'9 he admitted to in his profile and he had one of those small little muscle bodies. His head did not at all match his body. As soon as he saw me and verified that I in fact did look like my picture and that there were no scary surprises, he looked very relieved and relaxed. We met at a dessert place and he looked at the menu and picked (among all the crepes and waffles and ice cream and cakes) a nonfat strawberry yogurt. I was ready to leave. I had my heart set on a crepe with double chocolate ice cream, whip cream and brownies on top. I settled for a hot chocolate. Not because I was worried about what he would think but because I felt like it would be too much of a site to see a man eating his nonfat yogurt while a tiny girl chows down on a huge crepe all by herself! When the drinks came the waiter actually gave me the pink yogurt and him the hot chocolate! Even he thought it didn't make sense!!! He told me that there are three kinds of body types, endo-something or other.... One is more heavy, one is more skinny and one is more muscular. He told me that he was the muscular one so I asked him what I was. He said well I have to get a 360 of you in order to verify that one Sweety. I looked him dead in the eyes and said "Well I'm not fat and I'm not muscular so you have two seconds to pick the correct answer!" The rest of the conversation went okay. We talked mostly about shallow things. No talk about future plans like marriage and children, red flag if a guy does not feel comfortable to talk about that stuff. Also, although he was Jewish, from two Jewish parents, he may as well have been any other religion. He had no clue about Judaism, didn't care about it and didn't care to practice it. That was another huge turnoff. Even my bf who is not Jewish was more interested in it then he was! Anyways, the date lasted about 3 hours, which is pretty long for me and I was kept in good conversation and even a bit of flirting. After the date, he walked me down the street to my friends apartment where my car was parked and he leaned in for a kiss. I let him kiss me but it was not very good. It wasn't a sweet first kiss, it was a shove-a-tongue down my throat kind of kiss. BARF. I was saved by a cute little psychotic Chihuahua who was walking by and started barking his head off at us. Saved by the pup! I went into my friends place cause she had some other friends over for drinks. It was me, four gay guys, another girl, my friend and her bf and lots of alcohol. They all wanted to hear about the date and the guys confirmed that he must be gay and wished I had brought him to the party!! I couldn't stop laughing because while I was on the date I was actually thinking that he would be one of the guy's perfect type! I feel like I would maybe go on a second date with him cause he seems like he knows how to have fun but definitely not my type to date or be in a relationship with. He is dating for fun whereas I am dating for a relationship that leads to marriage. Although his way seems way more entertaining and way less stressful! Something to consider???

Thursday, November 19, 2009

My ninth date

You know when they ask the question "how is it that you are 36 years old, very successful but not yet married?" Well, I met the answer tonight for coffee. I arrived a few minutes early to Starbucks(very unusual thing for me) and sat and waited at a table for him to show. A guy passed by the window, heading for the door, and I think I actually said out loud "oh g-d please do not let that be him!" It was him. He looked NOTING like his picture which already wasn't that great to begin with. He awkwardly leaned in for a hug hello. I'm not sure if he could read the disappointment on my face. The picture he put was for sure from 10 years ago, cause now he has grey hair which is thinning out and turning into a huge bald spot like my grandpa's! I ordered a different drink then usual but asked for non fat milk and no whip. He then copied my drink order but said that he wanted it the regular way it came and smirked at me. We sat down and he began to talk all about himself and his achievements and his business. He then proudly told me that he employs people from third world countries and pays them the equivalent of about 70 bucks a week. He told me that is more then they would make at any other job over there so that he is actually doing a very nice thing for them. I said "oh cool". I said that about 50 more times throughout the night. He told me all about his sisters. All unmarried (just like him). If I didn't know that he was talking about his sister I would have assumed it was his lover or girlfriend, kinda creeped me out a bit. Then out of the blue a guy comes over to the table and says hi to him and turns to me to tell me how awesome he is and what great financial advice he gave him just last week. I swear I think he payed one of his friends to accidentally bump into us and "big him up". Tres weird!! Then he told me about all the properties he owns. He told me that he is one of the only people he knows that can just take off from work with out any notice cause hes the boss of his own company. "Oh cool". About a half hour into the date I started to get really fidgety and bored. I was looking around and not paying attention to the nonsense that he was spewing out of his mouth. I wanted to leave. I started to fake yawn and told him that I am sooo tired from working all evening. He said "tired? but we've only been here for half an hour!" Then thank goodness, my trusty Starbucks employee came over to the table to let us know that they sould be closing in 10 minutes! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS! I could not be happier to get that news! We ended by walking outside and him saying that he had a wonderful time and that it was too bad that we had to end so early, he then leaned in for another awkward hug and I jetted into my car. I thought he was following me for a few blocks but then he turned somewhere and I raced home! The worst part was that my hair looked so good today and it was wasted on this gaydate. I have another one set up for tomorrow night and I am actually kind of excited about it. It can't be worse then todays after all!

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

My Eighth Date.

This weekend I went with my family to another state for my cousins bar mitzvah. I stayed the night at my friends house and for fun I showed her my jdate account. We searched for guys in that state and I decided to meet one of them. I told him that I was leaving the next day and he said that he would meet me after lunch time, just before I had to fly home. He seemed very sweet and his pictures were very cute. So I figured what the hell! It got me thinking that maybe my bashert is not confined to a 5 mile radius around my community and that perhaps I need to branch out and expand my options. We met and decided to grab a coffee. He looked exactly like his picture (pleasant surprise) and was a gentleman. He was a tiny bit shorter then I am used to but still taller then me and he has an Israeli accent like my dad... Other then those two small things, he is amazing! He helped me figure out how to get to the airport and was very concerned about me getting there on time. We had a good time at coffee and the conversation was great. For the first time I felt the hope that I would be able to have chemistry with another guy other then my bf. We knew that we didn't have much time together and plus the fact that he is Israeli and they are very direct people, he kissed me. It was nice. He sent me off and asked me to call him when I got home. I did. He wants to fly here to visit me in the next week or two. Its kind of exciting and scary. I don't know if he has enough of what I am looking for to be the one but for now he gives me butterflies in my tummy and its a feeling I have been missing for a while. I will keep dating others and see what happens with him. Unfortunately its very common for me to like a guy that will bring complications to my life. Once again, this would be long distance and who knows if he even wants to stay here forever and not move back to Israel eventually. Sooo typical of me!!! I am just going to enjoy the feeling and try to not be typical me and plan for the future and freak out about long term things. Just enjoy and take one day at a time.

Update 2

So I don't know what I was thinking.. this whole thing was WAY to good to be true. I mean whose bf lets them go out on 50 dates to see if she can find her bashert and waits patiently in the hopes that she will return to him. That blew up in my face last week which is why I haven't been blogging in a while. Last week he told me that he was going to be coming to the states from Europe for the Christmas holidays and that he does not want to see me. We had a big argument and I felt like such crap. I was so upset and hurt. We barely ever get to see each other since he moved and now he was going to be so close by and refuses to see me. Then he spent the next few days avoiding me and not calling me. I respected that and didn't try to contact him. Then I got "the email". He said that he wants some space from me and that it is too emotionally difficult to keep talking to me. He doesn't want to hurt me by avoiding me so he is letting me know directly that he just needs some time.
I read the email but didn't respond. There is not a whole lot that I can say back to that. I created this. Even though he agreed to it, I guess he didn't actually realize what he was signing up for. I was very sad and heart broken this week. I have decided to just back off and let him take whatever space he needs. Its the least I can do for him...
In the meantime, I am feeling very resentful of my mother. I keep trying to be rational and to explain to myself that there is no way this is her fault. This is my mess but I guess I need someone to blame and its been her. I feel bad but I can't shake this angry feeling I feel towards her lately. I need to really do some self evaluation and stop blaming my mom and the universe for the situation I created.
This weekend I went with my mom and sister on a trip for my cousins bar mitzvah and had a great time.. things are starting to look up.
Oh ya! And I met a guy in that state and had a great date ;) I will blog about date 8 tomorrow!

Monday, November 9, 2009

My seventh date.

He was tall, handsome and had a great body... Everything was perfect until he opened his mouth!! He spoke with a cross between a 17 year old valley girl and a "stereotypical gay guy". I actually thought he was joking at first but he was NOT! His voice and expressions did not at all match his looks. Of course this would be something I would be able to overlook if the rest of the date didn't go as it did. This guy is a modern orthodox guy. I had never been out with someone who was "more Jewish" then me. He keeps strictly kosher and he keeps Shabbat (no driving, no electricity etc). He started to make his demands on what I would have to do to be able to be his wife. For the first time I really got a clue into how my boyfriend must have felt when I did this to him. I felt like I wasn't good enough and like my ways were less then his ways. I started to feel ashamed for not keeping Shabbat and like I was not a good enough Jew or something. He told me that I would have to start right away by keeping kosher, I would not even be allowed to eat out at a restaurant that was not kosher. I would of course need to start keeping Shabbat because (to quote him using his valley girl voice) "Shabbat just Rocks, ok?" He then proceeded to tell me that he would want at least 5 kids. He also told me that because his family is a Kohen Family (the highest form a Jewish family can be) he has even more restrictions. His wife can not be a widow or a divorcee. He said that in fact there are so many different little rules that it is best I don't even tell him about my past dating history and I keep it "quiet" in the community... Really?? Is that all I have to do to be lucky enough to be with Valley Boy?? Where do I sign up?? Barf!!!! I was so angry (after I got over feeling ashamed) at him! Who was he to tell me all the things I need to change about my life to be worthy enough to be with him. And thats when it hit me. Isn't that what I have been asking my bf to do? I should be feeling angry at myself for making him feel the way this stranger just made me feel. I guess its true what they say, everything happens for a reason and maybe this date happened to give me some perspective on what I am doing to him. He asked me for my number about 60 times through out the date in his whiny valley girl voice and I told him that I would check first with a rabbi that we both know to ask if it would be a good idea. He finally agreed to that and we went our separate ways. Obviously, I didn't even bother asking the rabbi about him because he is NOT for me!!! Once again... I have some soul searching to do...

Monday, November 2, 2009


I am starting to really question myself. I thought this would be tons of fun and so far it feels painful, depressing and hopeless. So far none of the guys I have met are for me. Date number two lasted a few dates and then he told me that he wanted to stop dating other people, implying that he wanted to get to know me better and only date me. There was no way I was ready to do that. I still had like 45 dates left to go at that point. I told him that I was not ready and I have not heard from him since. I debated calling him and I wondered if I was letting "a good catch" go but whatever is meant to be will be so I decided not to look desperate and not to bother calling him and to just let him go. I was supposed to go out with a guy on Friday night after Shabbat dinner but decided to cancel because dinner ran a little late and I was exhausted. I wasn't too pumped about this guy anyways but I told him we would reschedule for next week.

I have been having very sad conversations with my boyfriend. It is feeling less likely that there is much hope for us working out. The love is there but it feels like we would have to move mountains to make this work. I hope that if anything, I get some sort of clarity and sanity after I go through with the rest of the dates. This weekend I was really debating if I should just stop this silly experiment, pack a suitcase and get on the next plane to Europe... I need to start to use my head, not my heart. So for now I have decided to hang in there and wait for date number 7...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My sixth date.

I am starting to get the hang of this dating thing... I am paying attention to body language and what is said at the end of a date to indicate if there will be a second date.
This guy was blah. He was not interesting, not good looking, and had a monotone which made most of the conversation unbearable! He tried to crack a few jokes and they may have been funny if he was able to use other tones to indicate when he was joking and when he was serious. He didn't know what to order so he asked my advice. I told him what I would recommend and then when the waitress came along he tried to flirt with her by asking her what she would recommend, not a smart move on a date... He talked about how he dated a girl who was not Jewish for 4 years and they broke up two years ago and he hasn't been able to get over her since then. He asked me about my past relationships and I told him very little. He asked if I was still friends with my ex boyfriends and I told him that I was. He told me that was compleatly unacceptable to him and that he would not be bale to handle that if we got serious... Well thanks for the heads up buddy! I don't remember ever asking him for his opinion or approval! And aww shucks, it looks like we won't be able to get serious!
He tried to joke around and use insults to try to be funny. They were not so funny, he was not so funny and the date as whole... not so funny. It was an hour of my life that I will never get back.
I noticed that he was leaning into me accross the table, indicating that he was engaged and interested in the converstaion. I, on the other hand was leaning back in my chair with my hands crossed. I noticed that I checked my phone quite often and I checked my watch a few times too. This is a good indication that someone is not interested.
Also, after the date, he walked me to my car (that was nice) and gave me a hug and a gross wet kiss on my cheek and said that he would love to call me sometime but I hadn't given him my number. I smiled and said that I don't give out my number but that I had a really nice time. He said that he would wait for me to call. He may be waiting for quite some time!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another unsuccessful jdate...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What I am looking for and FYI

So I have been getting crazy emails lately!! Some are so supportive and kind and others are not soo nice. I am grateful for all the support and even for some of the negative comments cause it helps me to check myself and make sure my motives stay pure... For the purpose of this experiment, my boyfriend and I are not together. We both understand the risks we are taking and we are both mutually willing to take them. We want what is best for ourselves and for the other person. So I am not a cheater or mean woman with no heart and he is by no means a push over or a desperate guy willing to let me stomp all over his heart. We both stand to lose each other in this process.

I have always envisioned myself marrying a Jewish man. When we met I told him that we can never get serious because of this fact. But since I do not control the Universe (this is recent news to me too!) we fell for each other and each day together made it harder and harder to find reasons to separate. But now is crunch time, he wants me to move to Europe to be with him and to start a life. Besides the fact that its a terrifying thing to do for me, I didn't know how to decide if it was right or wrong. I have put faith in this process because I have little faith in my ability to make a decision that could impact the rest of life and my children's lives and yes, even my parents.... Judge if you want but this has been a very painful decision making process and we feel that its the only way.

I think I know what I want and what may be best for me in the long run... Some things are a bit shallow but I believe that I am a great girl and I deserve to be with a great guy. So that means that I do not feel the need to settle for a fat and bald guy just because he is Jewish. I believe that I may be able to find the whole package that I am searching for (my Beshert) and if I am wrong and the Universe allows for it then my bf and I will be able to be together.
So here I am.... 5 dates into my 50 (number 6 tonight) ... feeling nervous and excited.

Monday, October 26, 2009

My Fifth Date.

This date was a little bit different than all the ones I have previously been on. We met for bubbly tea. He seemed really nice and was pretty good looking. We started chatting and it got off to a good start. We talked about all kinds of interesting stuff and he seemed very intelligent and easy to talk to. He told me he was still a student and was going to be doing something in finances as soon as he graduates. I told him that I am an addiction counselor and that I work with teens and young adults who have problems with drugs and alcohol. He told me that he found that fascinating and thought that more people in the world should be doing the kind of work that I do and helping kids in need. He then proceeded to tell me that he smokes a bit too much weed. He asked me for some suggestions. We ended up spending 3 hours in a therapy session discussing his drug use. He said that he really enjoyed hearing my perspective on drugs and my suggestions. We had a great time. He told me that since I destroyed his entire perception of reality that he was not paying for my bubble tea. So I took care of the bill. He said that he would like to see me again, not as a patient but on a date. I told him that all though he is a very nice guy, it would be very unethical to date him again. I have a history of being attracted to guys that need "fixing" and have been working very hard to break that cycle in my life. So unfortunately I had to turn him down and lets see what date number 6 has to offer....

Friday, October 23, 2009

My fourth date.

I am so sorry for complaining about date number one and date number three. This guy.... I don't even know what to say about him. What a tool! We chatted for about a week on msn. He messaged me multiple times a day even if I didn't answer for a few days he kept trying. He said that he knew my sister and that he had seen me before in her facebook pictures and always wanted to ask her if I was single. I thought that was kind of sweet until the msn stalking began. I could tell he was nervous because all his messages ended with LOL, a happy face or haha. It is so unattractive when a guy shows you how insecure he is. After about a week of him desperately trying to meet up with me I finally agreed to get it over with. I agreed to meet him after work at 10:20 PM at a Starbucks that I knew closed at 11. I don't even have words to describe the awkwardness. I am great at keeping a conversation going and I just couldn't do it with him. I was staring out the window, texting people on my cell phone and he just sat there looking at me. I actually felt bad for how pathetic he was. How is a guy like that supposed to find a girl? I talked about all my exs, I talked about other guys I was dating and he did not pick up on any of the social ques of how terribly bored I was even for the short 40 minute meeting. He told me he lives here alone, his family is in a different city and has been here for 11 years. He finished school last June and has a diploma in sports marketing. He has since been looking for a job. So thats right, on top of everything, he's UNEMPLOYED. He told me his jdate "horror" stories. He told me that one woman failed to mention that she had 3 kids until after they met, another one failed to mention that she was not fully divorced yet and her husband still lived with her in the house and other funny ones like that... The only thing he didn't clue into was the fact that they all made those things up to get rid of him from stalking them!!!! And don't you think, first thing this morning he already messaged me. So what should I tell him?? Everyone has already used all the good ones on him! Thank g-d I didn't give him my phone number and I will obviously block him from msn!!!

My third date.

Showed up late -4
In a Kia -6
Didn't hold the door-8
Ordered first -10
Receding hair line in 3 different places -12
He told me who his brother is -15
Paid for lunch +2

I feel bad giving him such a low score cause he was a nice guy just a bit socially awkward. He does nothing all day and then works from 5 pm until 1 am. I think this will make it very difficult for him to have a relationship with anyone that works from 9-5. He does not have a great relationship with his family and he is living with a friend of his that is female (also a turnoff for a new girlfriend). We lasted about an hour until I told him that I had to meet up with my sister. He asked me for my number and I told him that I don't like to give it out and that he could email me. He did. Now I need to figure out what to email him back to tell him in a nice way that I am sooooooo not interested. I really think I must be doing something wrong if he thought he could ask me out on a second date. If someone told me that "they don't like to give out their number" I would get the hint right away!!! Maybe he is just trying his luck. Bless his dorky soul :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Jdate- funny convo #1

So I had a theory that I got to test today on jdate chat. My theory is that if a guy appears confident and cocky all you have to do is be bitchy and assertive and he will fold into a little apologetic fumbling idiot, unless he is really in fact a confident guy. This guy is a short and very unattractive 30 year old. He is from a Moroccan background which could mean he thinks woman are less then him. His picture is of him inside an expensive sports car and he thought he was the shit.... til he decided to talk to me :) I thought you might find this conversation entertaining so I saved it to add to my blog. Girls, don't be scared to be assertive and call a guys bluff to see if he really is as tuff as he appears to be!

Dumb guy: Very Cute indeed, Great profile

ME: thanks

Dumb guy: Nice to see a women be real on here

ME: what do u mean?

Dumb guy: Are you born in Israel?

ME: No, but father is.

Dumb guy: You open up in your profile you can feel your passion thats good.

Dumb guy: cool

Dumb guy: Your mother is born here?

ME: nope in hungary

Dumb guy: oh wow

ME: and u?

Dumb guy: thats a hot mix

Dumb guy: Born and Raised here.

Dumb guy: My Father is Jewish from Morocco and my Mother is Jewish from here

Dumb guy: My mother is Ashkenazi Russian and Polish

ME: cool

Dumb guy: So do you have any other pics of you

ME: nope thats it

Dumb guy: true that, its always better in person, I dont like getting to know people online.

Dumb guy: So what else is up with you?

Dumb guy: Besides looking all cute for me in this pic.

ME: for u?

Dumb guy: hahah, not yet

ME: i am really not that type of girl and i dont like when guys talk about me like htat...

Dumb guy: why are you thinking so deep into that, Im not that type of guy, relax

ME: I just expect for guys to treat me with a lot of respect, and u are already talking in a way i dont like

Dumb guy: I expect the same, so where on the same page.

Dumb guy: I am very direct I have my criteria also

Dumb guy: so its good to see your a mature person

ME: I am...

Dumb guy: Well then this could work out well. I am the same way. I have a zero tolerance for games

ME: but that doesnt mean that we r each others types or that this could work out well...

ME: what do u do for a living?

Dumb guy: Thats kind of shallow to ask that so soon

ME: i thought u are direct and dont like games...

Dumb guy: I kind of like to wait before we get into that

ME: now u r playing a game

Dumb guy: Yeah but your just throwing it out way tooo soon, dont you think

ME: nope, thats why i asked

Dumb guy: Ok well right now I am looking into becoming a Social Worker, I was working full time but I am doing a career change

ME: so u r not working right now?

Dumb guy: I lost my job due to economic situations

ME: what were u doing before?

Dumb guy: but it was a blessing in disguise, I felt that there was something better for me to do and I love people and helping people with problems, so I think Social work is more for me

Dumb guy: I was in Corporate Business Development before, I was bringing in accounts, closing big sales but my passion have always been with dealing people

ME: sounds good

Dumb guy: so when I lost my Job,I saw that maybe g-d did this to me for a reason to use my other talents into a better career with more meaning

Dumb guy: its not always ABOUT MONEY HONEY

ME: that was another rude comment... I make my own money so thanks for sharing that....

Dumb guy: So if you want the doctor lawyer dentist I cant offer that what I can offer you is stimulating challenging communication and I wont lie I love to cuddle :)

ME: i want someone who is ambitious, it has nothing to do with money. It is attractive when a man has drive and ambition

Dumb guy: So I guess your like the song Ms Independent, Neos song

ME: yup, he wrote that right after he met me :)

Dumb guy: Well I think I have that in me honey

Dumb guy: I dont want to ask you but what do you do

ME: first rule, dont call me honey....

Dumb guy: deal, sorry,That will never happen again scouts honour.

ME: I work with teens who are addicted to drugs or who are in trouble

Dumb guy: for real

ME: yes for real, why do u think i am so tuff

Dumb guy: yes you are tough indeed, But its very attractive

Dumb guy: Why did you give this Jdate a shot.

ME: just broke up with my boyfriend

Dumb guy: I was with a non jewish girl, we broke up cause I want a Jewish woman, plus I have heard good things about jdate, so why not give this shot.

ME: exactly

Dumb guy: Have we ever crossed paths,I feel like I have seen you before or talked I dont know

Dumb guy: Its not always I communicate so well with someone on here.

ME: u dont look familiar... so i dont think so

Dumb guy: Or such a tough woman, hhahah

ME: yup, that i am

Dumb guy: I think thats awesome, I think we need to grab a drink sometime.

Dumb guy: But you never told me your name, sorry my falut, I never asked you.

Dumb guy: What high school did you attend

Dumb guy: What some other guy is messaging you now, am I on the waiting list hahah

ME: now u r showing your jealous side....

Dumb guy: its was a joke, if you saw the hahah

ME: remember, there is truth behind every joke...

Dumb guy: sorry

Dumb guy: How can I be Jelous when we havent met

Dumb guy: If we were in a Relationship and some guy starts grabbing you in front of me, Then where talking a different thing here

ME: even then... I handle myself...

Dumb guy: :) Are you sure your not born in Israel?

ME: yea, I'm sure,why?

Dumb guy: Well you look it a lot and act it a lot but thats good thing

Dumb guy: Where have you travelled? I have been to over 20 countries

ME: all over....

Dumb guy: Maybe we share some passions here,I backpacked Europe in 2000

ME: I dont backpack but i do like to travel

Dumb guy: well now I have friends from all different countries races and relligions 1 love

Dumb guy: Im all about Unity in this world.

ME: then why did u break up with ur non jewish girlfriend?

Dumb guy: deep in the back of my mind I wantted to be with a Jewish woman and marry and make sure my children are Jews

ME: isee

Dumb guy: sorry I didnt want to bring this up

Dumb guy: but what about you

ME: what about me?

Dumb guy: You told me you broke up with your Bf how long was this was he Jewish

Dumb guy: What did he do or didnt do to keep you attracted to him

Dumb guy: Obvious something he was doing to kill the sparks

Dumb guy: This is how I am I am very direct

Dumb guy: Its not to hurt you

ME: he is perfect, just not jewish

ME: u cant hurt me, so dont worry

Dumb guy: Do you take combat training, hahah

ME: i dont need combat training, im naturally tuff

Dumb guy: you are indeed I love it

Dumb guy: Well so you now how it is then. you been through the non Jewish thing too

ME: yup

Dumb guy: J What did you end up doing this weekend

ME: I have to go walk my dog now....

ME: later!

Dumb guy: ok well I hope we can continue this

Dumb guy: but something tells me your pissed at me

Dumb guy: I think your great no matter what.