Friday, February 26, 2010

My Twenty Eighth Date

Sorry I have been MIA for the last week.... Here is why:

A guy on jdate sent me a flirt so I messaged him. He had a picture from very far away so I couldn't see what he looked like but I could tell he had a very good body. He talked me into getting my bbm. We chatted on bbm for a while and then I told him I wanted to get into bed and didn't feel like typing anymore. He said he didn't feel like talking on the phone so I said no problem, I will call someone else good night. He said wait, you can call me... I said it was too late and that I was already on the phone. I could tell he was a player so I didn't mind being a huge bitch. He waited 20 minutes and then messaged me again asking if I was off yet. I said I was so he asked me to call him. I did. We talked til 4:30 in the morning. Some of our conversation was quite inappropriate... which I normally wouldn't do. But again, I figured that he was a player and this would never go anywhere so I could have a bit of fun for once in my life. The next day he messaged me and we talked again that night til the wee hours of the morning. The next day (Friday) he spent the day convincing me to come over. He told me that he doesn't take girls on dates but if I wanted to come over and "hang out" that I could. I told him that I'm not that kind of girl. I want a relationship and eventually marriage. I don't want meaningless sex. He convinced me to "live a little". I looked him up on face book and realized that he was GORGEOUS. Ok, gorgeous is an understatement. He might be the most beautiful man in the entire universe. He has a body that anyone would die to have or be with. And such a stunning movie star face. I decided if I was ever going to "live a little" it should be with him!

I agreed to go over. I went over at 5 PM knowing that I had to leave at 6 PM for Shabbat dinner. I told him that I wanted to meet and see if I was comfortable with him or not. He said okay. I went to his condo. He kissed me. I thought I could go through with it. I thought I could be promiscuous or slutty. I couldn't do it. I became shy and uncomfortable. He sat next to me and said that we could just hang out and talk if I was uncomfortable. I said that would be a better idea. We talked and talked and then I realized the time. I was late for dinner... He asked me if I could come back after. I said that I had a date planned for after dinner and that I couldn't come back. He said "what if I took you out on a date". I cancelled my date with the other guy.
Mr. "I don't take girls on dates" was taking me out on a date?!?!? Uh oh... I have been here before... We decided to meet at the theater for a 9:30 show. He messaged me at 9 and asked where I was, I said I was still at my grandmothers house. He got a bit annoyed and said that I am going to miss the movie. We got into an argument over bbm. He said that he can not believe he is at the theater waiting for a girl. I told him to relax and not to stress me out cause it was not going to make me drive any faster. The argument continued when I got to the theater. I told him not to ever rush me cause I hate that and he told me not to make him wait cause he hates that. It was so weird. I could be myself. I didn't pretend to be the "perfect Jewish housewife" like I normally do when I am trying to get a guy. I was able to be my hot headed self.... We saw the Valentine movie and it was fun. I went back to his house and we kissed and cuddled and watched TV. He was very respectful of my comfort level. He walked me to my car and told me to call him when I get home safe. He is such a typical Israeli man, I love that kind of protective nature. MAJOR TURN ON! He asked what I was doing Saturday night. I told him I was going clubbing with my best friend. He asked if he could take me for dinner first. First a movie, then dinner, two nights in a row???? What is going on here??? He picked me up from my house- I never let guys do that but he insisted that it is a man's job to pick up a woman for a date. We had sushi and then my friend picked me up from his place and I went out with her. I thought about him while I was out. I tried not to, cause I am not supposed to be falling for another player... but I did. Sunday I spent the day with him downtown. we were very cute and affectionate while we were out. We were like one of those couples that makes people want to barf from how lovey dovey we were acting. We had tickle fights and we made out everywhere and held hands and it was like we were the only two people around. Really... I didn't notice anyone else. We went for dinner and then I had to go to work. I mentioned that my throat was hurting and he told me to come over after I was done work. When I got there, he had picked up chicken soup for me. I stayed over late and he was being very sweet and taking care of me. The next day we hung out again...
We had a difficult conversation that night. He asked me if I was still dating other people. I told him that I wasn't but that I wanted to keep my options open. I was brutally honest with him about my fears. I told him that I don't trust him. I think he is a player and I think he will hurt me if I let him too close. I told him that I want to find a husband not a fling and I didn't think he was financially ready for a marriage. I told him I was trying to break my cycle of dating good looking players and I wanted to find a nice secure responsible, possibly even a bit dorky, professional man who wants to settle down. He was crushed. he was so hurt that I said all that to him and I felt terrible after. I don't have a filter on my stupid mouth. He told me that he wanted to be with me and that he was trying to show me that he was not a player and that he actually respects me and is treating me differently. We talked until really late and I ended up spending the night. He was reserved and had taken 10 steps back from me. I said we should just take it slow and not plan or define anything so early on. I told him that despite what I have said out loud, I have spent the last 4 straight days with him and was obviously seeing something in him that was keeping me around. The next day he was still reserved but we spent most of the day together. He had to leave early the next morning to go away for business for 5 days. We had a really great talk that night that somehow ended in a very hot shower scene :) I know this is going to sound insane but it was one of the most liberating feelings ever. Let me explain... I am insane about my hair. It takes 2 hours to do and I do it twice a week. I had just done it and he convinced me to wet it in the shower. I don't go swimming, I miss out on water sports at the cottage, I even hesitate to go out if its raining because of my hair... and I wet it and I enjoyed myself and I felt so free. At that moment I changed my mind about him. I felt like I wanted to give him a chance and stop being such a hard ass with him.
As I left, I told him to have a safe trip and that I didn't want to date anyone else...

I am going to remain a bit cautious while enjoying every minute of him!!!!

This was week one... Here we go again!

Friday, February 19, 2010

FYI- My Ex-Fiance

I mentioned my ex Fiance briefly in a previous post and got a few emails asking what the story was with him so I will quickly explain. I don't want to confuse anyone... I was with my Ex Fiance from age 20-25 (and I was with my non Jewish Ex from 25- 26.5). I met him when I was 20. When I met him he was in active addiction. We started off as "friends" and I thought I could to save him... We spent everyday together and very quickly fell in "love". I became completely co-dependent over him. I don't want to get into it (that relationship can be a book on its own!) but I was in many scary situations with him in the first year of our relationship. He overdosed a bunch of times, I would go look for him at 3 in the morning in terrible parts of the city, drug dealers that he owed money to would call me looking for him etc. Long story short, I found a program called Al-Anon, got enough courage to set boundaries with him, he had some crazy stuff happen to him and he went to treatment and got clean. In the meantime, I became interested in the field of addiction, did my undergrad thesis on it, started working for an organization that helped addicts and then the two us together started programs to help teenagers get into recovery. Our program was so successful and has helped many teens change their lives and get off drugs. When I was 25 he proposed to me. It felt wrong. I so badly wanted to get married that I said yes and started to plan the wedding. I went away to school to do my Masters and met my non Jewish guy and called off the wedding.
I was honest with him about my fears of marrying him and he understood. He loved me enough to want the best for me. And he knew that he wasn't the best for me. We fought a lot and although he was sober, we still had the same addict/codependent relationship that we had while he was using. It was not healthy for either of us. Today he is 5 years clean and sober and he is doing amazing and I am so proud of him!
We are still best friends, we work together and hang out all the time and care a lot about each other but have no romantic feelings for each other. Well, at least I don't! And if he does, he respectfully hides it very well! It is because of him that I do what I do professionally and a big part of who I am today!

So that's the scoop about my Ex Fiance! Today we are both very grateful that we did not get married to each other! We both agree it would have been a disaster that would have ended in divorce or murder! We are much better as friends!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

My Twenty Seventh Date

The guy from the club (the one that my cousin had tried to set me up with a long time ago) called me and bbm'd me every day since Saturday night. We were finally able to pick a day to meet up. Our schedules conflicted so we agreed on lunch. We met on a street near his office that has many restaurants to choose from. When I got there, I parked and waited in the car. He came up to the window and opened my door. He was on the phone. He mouthed to me that I should choose which place I wanted to eat at. I started walking to a place and he followed. Still didn't say a proper hello. We got in line and he remained on his phone. So I got on my phone. It was very weird. We got a table and sat down. He finally got off the phone. We talked and ate. There was no connection. He was nice but thats about it. I was not attracted to him and found it terribly rude that he couldn't put down his phone. I'm not sure if he did it cause he had to or if it was to try to show me how busy and important he was. Either way it was a major turn off. He walked me to my car (once again on the phone) gave me a kiss on the cheek and gave me that hand signal for "call me". Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure I will call you!!! He bbm'd me for a few days after that and drunk dialed me one other time but I think he realizes that we didn't click. He is the same age as me and is quite immature. He gets drunk a lot which is a huge turn off for me and he is just not my type....

Plus he will probably have ear cancer in a few years from all that chatting!!!!

My Twenty-Sixth Date

I spoke to this guy for a while on the phone. We realized that we had conflicting schedules for most of the week except Sunday (valentines day). I felt kind of weird about it cause it was the "day of love" but he seemed nice so I agreed to meet him for bubble tea.
I work until 9 on Sundays so I told him we could meet after. I also told him that at 11 I needed to go downtown with my best friend because I had promised her we would go to a valentines day party. He said that was fine by him. I met him and he did not look like his picture. He explained that he had just gotten a bad hair cut earlier that day. How convenient... Also he was short.
Anyways, the conversation was pretty good. He asked a lot of questions and seemed interested in what I had to say.
i realized something about myself. When I am "just not that into a guy" I act very tough and almost aggressive. When I am into a guy, like with the doctor, I act sweet and nurturing. This will be a good indicator for me to know if I like someone or not! I can just pay attention to how I am acting and I will know if I am into them.

He payed and walked me to my car. There was no talk of seeing each other again and the good bye was a bit awkward.
I went out with my best friend and got a bbm message at 3 in the morning from him. "how was your night". WHAT NOT TO DO!!! Do not message a girl you just met at 3 am on the same night that you just went out with her especially if she didn't seem that into you after the date! I didn't respond. The following day he phoned me and said...
"Hey... So I am new to this whole online dating thing and I am not sure what the protocol is. I told my friend that I met this amazing girl and asked him if I should call you today. he told me that I should wait a few days or else I will seem desperate but I think he is wrong and decided to call you anyways. "
I could have ignored him but I remembered how shitty it felt to be left in the dark and unsure of how the other person feels. Plus he was a really nice guy. He was a bit socially awkward but there was no reason to be mean to him. Plus it is easier if he knows the truth so that he can move on and not keep embarrassing himself. I have decided its mean not to let someone know that you are not interested in them. So I sent him a message.

I said "hey, I had a great time with you but unfortunately I did not feel a connection. I think you are a great guy and I hope you find your soul-mate soon!"
He wrote back a whole long message saying thanks and that I am wonderful etc and he hopes the same for me too! It went perfectly! I felt great for letting him know and not leading him on! I hope that will help clear up some of my crappy kharma!

The club was so fun! I bumped into a guy that I have known since high school. We have both always had a "thing" for each other but I was never single! He is gorgeous and actually kind of famous! He is sooo not the marriage type but man is he hot! We ended up kissing good night and he has been messaging me to hang out. maybe I need a mini distraction from the "Husband Hunt" that I seem to be on... and I can't think of a better/hotter choice! So it looks like now I have two fun distractions (both not from jdate, woo hoo!)

Update 16

My Valentine's day started off with a message from the doctor (date number 24). "Hey... I just wanted to wish you a happy valentines day. I hope you enjoy it. XO". I wrote back "thanks you too". But my phone got messed up and it never went through! I took that as a sign that I was not supposed to write back so even when my phone started to work again, i didn't resend it. I don't know why I am being so nice to him. If he really wanted me to enjoy valentines day then why the F did he break up with me two days before valentines day? Why am I such a people pleaser with him? Anyways, as far as he knows I got his message and didn't reply and I have not heard from him since. Probably for the best.

Next, I spoke with a colleague of mine (another therapist) about my ex. I told him that my ex emailed me last week. We have not been in contact for 2 months. I ignored the email he sent me after one month of not communicating but I was not able to ignore this one. It was an email with a very sad undertone. He told me that he wanted to be friends, felt ignored and wondered why. He told me that he has never cared for anyone as much as he cared about me. He said that being around me made him feel like he wanted to be a better person. he told me about his family and that his grandfather had hurt himself and that his brother was turning 18 etc.

I wrote back the following:
I don't mean to be disrespectful I just found it pointless to ask for something I was already getting (space from you).
I have a lot of resentments to work out before I will ever be ready for a friendship with you.
I still hope you are doing well.

At first I wrote that back because I thought it was best for both of us. He is usually the one that does stuff that is in our best interest even though it may be painful. And this time it felt like it was my turn. I knew things with the doctor were on the rocks and I didn't want to open up the door with my ex and run back to him for comfort after things ended with the doctor. I also think that he is dating someone and I swore I would never be what his ex was to me to any other girl that he dates. I hated when he talked to her and I don't want his new girl to be upset when he talks to me. Also, I know that after such a short time with her he does not feel strongly enough for her to sustain a relationship while talking to me. So I thought that I wrote that cold email for us to move on and find happiness... i thought I was the martyr.... Til I talked to my colleague.

After we spoke I realized I am so g-d damn angry at my ex. I am still hurt and still wounded. Why the hell did he have to email me and mess up "how great I was doing". (Was I really doing that great if his email effected me?) He wants to be "friends"??? I don't need another friend! I have no interest in being his damn friend! How dare he try to "rope" me back in by telling me about his grandparents, who I adore, knowing full well that I would want to make sure his grandfather is doing okay. Sooo manipulative! How dare he contact me when I am trying to move on and be happy with someone else? Why did he disrespect his new girl and contact me? Had he done this to me with his ex while we were together? And I am still pissed off about that picture of him and his ex while we were still together and he went to Spain and saw her.
And then there is the pain part... why didn't he love me enough to convert and move here and start a life with me? Why did he choose to be so stubborn and set in his ways instead of choosing to love me and make me happy? Why did he want me to choose between him and my family when he could have given me both? Why did he have to be such a selfish person?
Valentines Day was a bit painful when I remembered where I was last year at this time. We were together in Europe. In love.
I am torn between anger/resentment and sadness.
A part of me wants to tell him to screw off and leave me alone forever and the other wants nothing more then to be in his arms and weep together. I know the healthier thing to do is to stay out of contact with him. And I do want to be healthy and move on. I know that we are not meant to be together and I know he is not what I need or want for my future. So why would I bother talking to him? I will try to deal with my resentments and anger and sadness using other people (therapist, colleagues, friends etc) and not him.
Its best for both of us if we don't speak. At least I think it is......

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

My Twenty-fifth Date

And... back to jdate... kill me with a knife!!!!

No. Just no! We made plans to meet at 1 PM for coffee as he is a "very busy man" but really wants to meet me. I agreed. I told him to call me at 11 AM so that we could chose a place to meet. He called me at 10:o0 on Saturday morning and woke me up. I was a bit irritated. He asked if we could move our date up to 12:30. I said okay. I got there at exactly 12:30 and phoned him to see if he was inside yet. He told me that he was running a bit late and would be there soon. I waited inside like an idiot. At least I had my book to keep me entertained! He walked in at 12:55! He is the one that asked to move it to 12:30 and then he shows up at 1 anyways??? Are you serious?!?! If I didn't have my book, I would have left for sure. Anyways.... He was a very tall and quite good looking guy. He had a very European look going on.... long hair, long black coat, Italian looking boots.... Not really my look. He sat down, and did not even apologize for being late. We talked about what I do and then he started to make fun of addiction. I couldn't believe it! He was saying things like, I think those people are just weak. I don't believe that they can't stop using drugs on their own and that people need to pay so much for rehab and drug counselors! I was shocked that he said all that to me. We had a brief debate about the topic and then I dropped the subject cause he was irritating me with his snooty, know-it-all responses. He told me that he had just taken the last 3 years to travel the world. I said that was really cool. He said, if you like traveling then you would LOVE the book I just wrote about my experiences traveling. I don't get the correlation!!! I do like traveling but I have zero interest in reading a book that you wrote and find it egotistical that you assume I would want to! (Don't worry, I said that last part in my head, not out-loud!) Then after about an hour he says that he has to get going because he is going to Paris tomorrow for a job interview! Why would he squeeze in a date just before he is thinking of moving to Paris??? What a mental case! I mentioned to him that my best friend is a corporate event planner and so he gave me his card and told me to have her give him a call because he "throws parties for very important people all the time". Ewww, so pretentious! And so not impressed! When I got home, I had an email from him waiting in my inbox. He told me that he had a wonderful time and that I was the most feminine woman he had seen in years and thought I was beautiful. He also attached a copy of his book. I didn't write back and I read the first page of his book and hated it...

In the meantime, my best friend and I went out for dinner and to an amazing club together. I am having so much fun being single with her!!!! I saw so many people that I knew and bumped into a guy that my cousin once tried to set me up with but I was with my ex at the time so we never ended up meeting. He is pretty cute and he called me right after he left the club that night. I don't think he is my type but he is a fun distraction in the meantime!
So.... I will just keep searching! I know he is out there!

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Update 15- "Just Friends"

So since we had our scary relationship talk, things have been going downhill... We both pulled back and were not really communicating at all this week. I saw him one time after our talk and he was very reserved and so was I. We avoided any real discussions and just watched a movie. I could tell that he was freaked out and very afraid of what it might mean to move to the next level with me. I waited patiently and hoped that he would come around. As I waited I realized that I have been here before. My ex fiance (the one before my non Jewish ex) told me right when I met him that he was not the marriage type. I ignored him and invested 5 years into our relationship (from 20-25 years old). I manipulated and tricked him and he proposed. I thought that I had accomplished something! I got the player, the "I will never get married guy" to love me so much that he proposed. But guess what... he was not the marriage type... Just like he told me 5 years earlier! So I thought a lot this week. I need to HEAR what he is saying to me. I do not need to be offended or get insecure. I am the marrying type and if he is not then its good to know now! I thought about the fact that I could probably talk him into it eventually. I thought about taking the pressure off and telling him we can take it slower and that I don't need to be his girlfriend for a long while until he is ready. But I am not 20 anymore. I do not have 5 years to invest just to find out that what he is telling me is the truth and that he does not want to get married. I am not in the stage of my life where I feel the need to convince someone that marrying me will be the best thing ever! When my bashert comes to me, he will want nothing more then to spend the rest of his life next to me. So I waited and decided that his fear and coward attitude was actually a huge turn off to me. I decided that there are too many negatives and that I do not think I want to take on another one of my "projects" at this stage in my life.

And finally after 2 days of not communicating I got the following bbm message:
Hey... So I have been doing some thinking over the last few days and realized that I don't think I can commit. I really like you and like hanging out with you... I have a great time and we laugh a lot and have so much fun but its not fair to you. I thought that I was becoming ready but I don't think I am. I am sorry if I am disappointing you and I am sorry to do this over bbm.

When I got the message I smiled. I had been expecting it. I was more relieved to be clear then to be living in the "what-ifs". Some of my friends were saying "what if he is just busy and needs some space, he will come around"... At least with this message I knew where we stood and I could move on. He was kind enough to let me down easy and not to string me along. He had enough respect to be honest about his feelings instead of lying to me to get me into bed. So in some way I appreciated it. And you can not be mad at someone for how they feel. I felt so empowered by my mature and logical reaction. I said out loud that "this means I am that much closer to finding my soul mate!" I truly believe that! I had a wonderful month with him. I learned some stuff about myself and about dating and about what I am prepared and not prepared to do in a relationship. And I am so proud of myself that I didn't give in and sleep with him. I respected myself and in turn he was respectful to me.

I wrote him back the following message:
No worries! Thank you for being honest with me. I was kind of thinking that our Imagos weren't going to fit :) and I am glad you were the one to say it cause I was too scared! I had fun with you too and hope to hang out one day. Speak to you soon.

P.S. Imago is from the book I am reading "Getting the Love You Want". He bought it for me and so i explained to him a bit about Imago therapy... "We marry someone who is an Imago match, that is, someone who matches up with the composite image of our primary caretakers. This is important because we marry for the purpose of healing and finishing the unfinished business of childhood. Since our parents are the ones who wounded us, it is only they who can heal us. Not them literally, but a primary love partner who matches their traits." Wikipedia

I don't think he was expecting that, lol!
He thanked me for being so understanding. Then later this evening I got a message saying that he was doing some reading for his course and that he would call me tomorrow after it was done. I said cool.

Not sure if he will call or if we will actually remain in contact but I think he is a great guy and I saw that he was an amazing friend to all his friends. So we shall see. I am more excited that I am okay. The way I used to be, if this happened I would be a basket case! I would be crying and not eating and hating everything! And two days before Valentines day!!!

This will be my first single Valentines day in 10 years. Last Valentines day I flew to Europe to be with my ex. We had an amazing time and it really was a day of love. This year I will probably just have dinner with my Ex-Fiance (we are still best friends) and he told me that he doesn't want me to be alone... He knows I get sad about stuff like that! Then maybe I will go to a club with my best friend that is recently single! We have never been single at the same time so I am kind of excited for all the trouble we are going to cause together!!!

So... back to jdate... I have one set up for tomorrow already! Not wasting anytime!!

Monday, February 8, 2010

Update 14- Week Four

I'm not sure where I am at today....
I am PMS-ing like crazy and thus feeling very negative. Last week I took on a new attitude about this new relationship. I was able to take my blinders off and not feel like I was the lucky one to have found him. He is 34 years old. He knows full well that a girl like me comes around, well, once every 34 years! I am a great catch, an amazing and attentive girl friend and anyone that I have ever been with claims that they are a better person today because of our relationship. This revelation helped me to see some of his negative qualities and not dismiss them just because he is "a good looking, successful, Jewish Doctor". Who gives a rats ass. Jewish Doctors are a dime a dozen as far as I am concerned! I think he feels entitled to get girls and to not have to try too hard to maintain the relationship just because his ego is the size of Africa! Well he has met his match!

Side note: I have not been alone for the past 10 years. I have been in and out of relationships since I was 16. Some over lapped and some started the following day or week but I have never really been alone and I was terrified of it. After I ended things with my ex and finally stopped all communication with him and truly was alone, only then did I face my fear and realize that its really not that bad. In fact, I liked it. I felt free and independent. I got to know myself a bit better and I liked who I was! Plus, now that I faced my fear I will no longer be scared to be alone and therefore I will not feel trapped to stay in a relationship that is not for me just out of fear of being alone. So I feel like I can be more real and ask for what I need and not be scared to speak up in case that will make him "leave me and wind up alone".

So with that said I have been a bit tougher and less needy and not acting desperate or feeling "lucky" to have found him. Perhaps this has made it a bit more difficult for him to get close to me but for now its working great for me. If we don't work out I will be okay and that is the most valuable thing to me.

My therapist suggested that I think about how I will sabotage the relationship with my "new attitude". I think I will ruin it by:
-feeling very entitled to making my demands heard and getting my needs met.
-I will be less accommodating to his needs and wants and fears.
-I will grow impatient of how slow he wants to take things.
-I will be so busy focusing on his negatives and my positives that I will inflate my ego and overlook the fact that he is a good guy that is trying to make me happy.

He shared with me that he is scared to make us official and use the term girl friend. At first i though that was a crock of shit and a line that a guy would use to play a girl. But the more I thought about it I realized that although he is 34, he has not had a long term girlfriend in a very long time. He knows that a girl like me has everything together and wants to move into the next stage of my life. He said that making a girl like me his girlfriend was almost like deciding to marry me and after one month he is too scared to do that. I feel like his fears are valid but I am still being very cautious about getting hurt. The truth is, he is treating me like his girlfriend... We are exclusive (not dating anyone else) we see each other a lot. He caters to my needs (he rubbed my stomach last night for an hour because I had period cramps...) He seems interested. We talk about a possible future. And he shares with me that he is not as confident as everyone thinks he is. On some level I think he is inexperienced with relationships and I know that I represent a possible wife, not just a girl to sleep with.
After we had this talk I called my best friend and said "this guy has exactly one week to grow some balls and ask me to be his girlfriend or else we are done!" I was feeling very angry and defensive and hurt. I was thinking "how could he not already know how wonderful I am and how lucky he is to have found me". I got vengeful and spiteful (like I often do) and figured that I would leave him and teach him a life lesson of "you snooze you lose!"
But then I slept on it. It's good that today I have enough self control not to act in the heat of the moment and to take some time to think before I react. I thought to myself... I have been so wrapped up in trying to get him to be my boyfriend that I haven't spent much time thinking if I even like him enough to want to be his girlfriend! I was trying to prove myself when really I should have been trying to figure out if he is what I am looking for. And the truth is after one month, I don't know for sure either so how could I expect him to know that he wants to be my boyfriend, husband, father of my children in one month when I am unsure myself!!!!
I realized that as soon as I take the focus off the other person and put it back on myself and my thinking and my actions, I am able to see the situation more clearly. And since this is my future and my life we are talking about, I think I can give it a bit more time to make sure that I am making the right choice despite what he is thinking or doing.
So for now I will try to "chill out" a bit and get to know him better and decide if he is what I am want and not wait for him to decide my fate (like I have often done in the past).

Besides, I do have a great time with him. We spent like 15 hours together on Friday and had the best day! We went to Indigo (bookstore) and he bought me a book that I have been wanting to read forever and I recommend it to all... Getting the Love you Want by Harville Hendrix. We held hands while I read while he studied for a course he is taking. I felt like the couple from Love Story! He left for a few minutes and came back with amazing Swiss chocolates for me :) We had a nice dinner and then went back to his place and had a dance party in his condo, just the two of us! It was really cute!! So I hope that I can just be patient and enjoy how much fun I am having without putting the pressure of labels and future on this...