Saturday, April 24, 2010

Update 23

Still haven't talked to crazy guy in over 3 weeks, woo hoo!
I have, however, been hanging out a lot with the cop (Date number 31)...
It's been very light and casual and hilarious! I laugh from the minute I see him to the minute I leave! He is so funny! We go out out a lot which is a change from the last 2 guys I dated where I just sat in their condos all evening watching TV or movies or cooking...
We have gone to watch bands, to see his friends jam, to movies, for dinners, I even went to go see him do stand up comedy and he was soooo damn funny!
He met my mom for two seconds when he came to pick me up... I hurt my ankle very badly and couldn't drive and I wanted ice cream badly! So he came to get me and took me out for ice cream :) I like it when guys that are normally assholes do nice things and show that they care. I met his mom and step dad as well.
A few things that are starting to turn me off.... He is 33 and lives at home. He has a good job but does not seem to have any money saved up which is s huge red flag for me. Also, he keeps talking about going back to school cause he doesn't want to be a cop anymore... I have no desire to wait four years until he gets out of school and starts working to pay off student loans... He will not be actually making money for like 6 more years.
For now, I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh and feel carefree! I have continued to date other people and do not want to commit to him because I do not see a real future with him. Since we both live at home we have not had much privacy and therefore have only kissed in 3 weeks of hanging out. I'm not sure about him but I am happy taking things super slow and just having a good time, going out, hanging with friends etc...

I hung out a few more times with the Family friend (date number 35)...
He came out for my best friend's birthday last Saturday night and had a few too many to drink and asked me to come home with him. I said that I did not want to and he kind of flipped out and got mad and left without saying goodbye. He apologized the next day but I have not seen him since then. He has messaged me a few times this week but I am really not interested in him. I may bump into him this weekend or next and it won't be weird but I do not want to be with him....

I have been thinking quite a bit about my ex... I have had a few dreams about him this week. I am over half way done my 50 dates and I haven't found anyone that makes me feel like he did...
Just thought I would share that...

Monday, April 19, 2010

My Thirty Fifth Date

Not from Jdate... 10 points!
He is my best friend's close family friend. They grew up together and then stopped hanging out for years because he was away at school etc. She once suggested that I meet him but it never happened and then I was dating someone else and I tried to convince her to go for him because their parents were already best friends and he was a "good catch". He started to come out with our group of friends in the last few months but I wasn't interested or I was dating the doctor or the crazy guy and nothing ever happened. Then about a week ago I added him to facebook because I was making a surprise party for my best friend and wanted to invite him. We started chatting one afternoon and were both not busy and hungry so we decided to grab sushi. I really didn't think it was a date, cause we have been hanging out for a few months now but turns out it was....
We met at sushi and ordered EVERYTHING! We ate more then 5 people would eat at a dinner and it was lunch time! We had good conversation and laughed a lot. We talked about what I do and about his new job that he was excited about. He paid for lunch and then asked if I wanted to go to the mall with him. I said sure! We went to the mall and it was like going with my best friend... They are both Russian background and care a lot about designers and labels and the latest styles and trends... It was like he was the guy version of my best friend! He knew all the hottest designers and has great style and fashion sense. It was so much fun going with a guy that appreciates shopping! So rare! Anyways, it was a really great day. No pressure, care free and lots of fun. Two days later we went out again. He invited me to a movie and in the middle of the movie he leaned over and kissed me. At first I moved away... I was like "oh G-d, why is he ruining a good thing already!" I know his parents and see them all the time, so if we hook up and dont work out then it will be awkward at parties etc. He didn't care.. he tried again... I kissed him back. It was okay. No crazy sparks or anything but that may have been from all the stuff going through my head at the time. I spoke to my best friend about it... She thinks we would be a good match... He is successful and comes from a good home. She thinks he is really good looking, I think he is okay... He is also the type to not want to be in a committed relationship and I am not even sure that I would want to be with a guy like him...
Anyways, I'm sure we will hang out again and either something more will happen or we will go back to how it was...
I am still on the fence with him... Not sure if he is a good idea or not....

Friday, April 16, 2010

Update 22

Where do I begin??
The day after my last update was crazy. I had just updated that things were going okay with Crazy and that I liked him and wanted to be with him and I tried to defend what I was doing with him and the next day this happened....
Monday he was being quite distant. He said he wasn't feeling that well and he was hot because the air conditioner hadn't been turned on in his condo yet. He invited me to come out with his friends to break Passover at a sushi restaurant the following night. I was feeling really insecure abut how distant he had been so I messaged him on Tuesday afternoon and asked him if I could come over instead of just waiting until dinner time. He said that he was playing playstation with some friends and that I would be bored. I said " ok, then I won't come over". He said one of his famous passive lines that drives me up the wall "Do what you want".
I didn't go over. I waited til dinner time and went for sushi with him and his friends. I probably shouldn't have but I did. He was being weird. He didn't touch me at all. Two nights before he was all over me and couldn't keep his hands off of me and tonight, nothing. After dinner we went back to his condo with his friends and watched a Hebrew movie. I am the only one that is not fluent in Hebrew so I kept interrupting to ask "what did he say?" If I touched his hand, he moved it away and pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead. After his friends left I tried to touch his hand one more time and he moved it again so I got up and sat at the other side of the sofa. He asked what my problem was and we argued (only during commercials of course cause while the show was on I had to be quiet). I told him that it did not feel very nice to touch him and have him move away and avoid me and make me feel undesirable. I told him that it did not feel very nice that I am the one who has been making plans with him that last few times and that he doesn't seem excited to see me or make plans and its like he does me a favor like "sure, you can come over if you want". He told me that I am being ridiculous and over sensitive. He said it is because he is not feeling well and that its hot in his place. That I should stop planning and controlling and trying to force things to happen and just to let them happen naturally. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3:30 AM, he was still on the other end of the couch watching TV paying ZERO attention to me. He said that I looked too tired to drive home and that I could go sleep in his bed. I don't know why I said okay... but I did. I went to the washroom and got ready for bed, by the time I got to bed he was already in it, watching TV. I put my head on his shoulder and he left it there for a bit and then told me that I had too much hair and it was making him too hot. I rolled over to the other side and felt like such a desperate loser. How had this happened? I am confident and I think so highly of myself usually. I looked over and he had actually moved to the foot of the bed. The farthest possible place away from me that he could be. I took my phone and bbm mesaaged my best friend who was visiting Europe so it was already 10 AM where she was. I told her what happened and she wrote "Get your clothes on and get the F*ck out of his place you loser!" All of a sudden everything changed in my mind. What the hell was I doing? No man should make me feel like this especially not a Crazy, mind playing, manipulative ass! I got up and started to get dressed. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I was going home. He got very angry and yelled at me. He said "I told you that I am boiling hot you don't need to be so immature and dramatic and leave just because I am lying at the foot of the bed". I said I didn't care and if he was so hot then I didn't need to stay and crowd his space. He said his famous line "do what you want" which was ALL I needed to hear to walk out. He followed me out into the hall and gave me a hug and said sorry and to drive home safe. I said nothing and did not hug him back. He messaged me to see if I got home. The next day he messaged me and I gave him cold, one word answers.
My therapist suggested that I try doing the exact opposite of my gut reactions. Normally I would answer him right away or go over there or make sure he did not feel rejected or unwanted. So I decided that the opposite of that was to only worry about myself and how I feel. If I didn't feel like answering because I was out then I didn't answer. I didn't pretend that everything was okay because it wasn't. He asked me why I was ignoring him and I told him that there was no point to discuss it because I am not interested in fixing anything with him. The messages got less frequent and the last one was a very rude message on Saturday night (he was obviously drunk). He was trying to ruin my evening so I didn't even open it until I got home. I haven't heard from him in over a week and I intend to keep it that way. His friend called me and told me that he is very upset but he is too proud to call me. I said that it was better that way because we don't have a future together and we would have driven each other insane if this went on for very much longer. I do miss all of his friends cause they were amazing to me but its for the best. I do not regret any time that I spent with him or anything that happened. It all happened for a reason and made me a stronger person and made me realize one more thing that I do not want in a man.... CRAZY!

My Thirty Fourth Date

His picture was a kind of nerdy looking but he seemed to have this great confidence about him. He gave me his number and I called him with my number blocked. The conversation was good. He was smart, well traveled, cultured and a mensch. He spoke to me as though he thought he was the sexiest man alive. He was very confident in himself and in his achievements and I found it attractive in a weird way. I agreed to meet him that same evening. We met at a bubble tea place after work one night. The conversation was good until he started to throw some "fun facts" at me. He told me that I shouldn't wear contacts too often because over time the microscopic hairs on my eye ball would stop producing moisture and blah blah blah. He told me that the tapioca in bubble tea was made out of pork and I told him that it was made out out rice and potato and we argued about that for a while until the waitress told me I was right. Which he still didn't believe and told me to make sure to look it up when I get home. I told him that I didn't care to do that because I don't even order my tea with tapioca! And then the real fun part was when he started to explain to me what he does for a living. Again, I am not an uneducated moron but know your audience for G-d sakes! Know that I do not look like someone that would be interested in talking about mechanical engineering for half an hour!
Also his confidence really did not match his look. He was a really nice dorky looking guy with out dated glasses (so that he could keep his microscopic eye hairs healthy of course!). He said things like "you are lucky that I gave you my number and met with you on such short notice cause I normally don't do that".
He took care of the bill when I went to the washroom which I thought was a gentleman move. He walked me to my car and told me that he requests a call to know that I got home safe. I told him that I was not going straight home. He got a bit demanding and said well then call me when you get somewhere safe so that I know you are okay. I get the protective thing but it was a bit too soon to demand a call from me and I didn't like the way he said it. The truth is that perhaps if I liked him, I would have found that so sexy but I didn't like him so I found it annoying.
I didn't call him when I got to my friends house and he didn't have my number and he seemed confident enough to get the message and not be insulted. I would actually really like to find a nice girl for him cause I think he would be a good boyfriend, just not for me...

My Thirty Third Date

We chatted over bbm for about a week. His picture was cute but his profile said he was 5’8 which is a bit shorter then I am attracted to. We had a few good conversations over the phone and I agreed to meet him. He said that we should meet half way so I met him in a mall parking lot and we took his car. I asked him where we were going and he said that it was a surprise. The real surprise was when we got out of the car and he stood next to me. He was not 5"8. He would not have been 5"8 even if he was wearing 3” heels!!!! He was maybe my height. He was also my weight and I think we even had a similar petite body type. Very sexy.... NOT! He told me that he owned his own company and had just bought a house and that everything was complete in his life except for that special someone.

Then he started to lecture me. He lectured me about life in general and then specific things like the fact that I still lived at home. He lectured me about the importance of keeping kosher and he even lectured me about spending too much money on “stupid” things like expensive clothes.

The real kicker was when we started to talk about “our” wedding. I’m not sure how the conversation started as I was tuning in and out for most of his lecturing and I don’t remember agreeing to marry him. He said that he would never let our parents pay for our wedding. I told him that most people in our community have their parents pay for their weddings and that my parents were prepared to pay for the wedding that I called off and for the wedding that my sister is planning and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. He said that he would want to pay for his own wedding. I asked him if he knew how much a Kosher catered wedding would cost. When I told him, he almost fell off his chair. He said that there was no way he could afford a wedding like that as he just bought a house using all of his savings and was trying to pay it off. I told him that perhaps he should do his research before he makes bold statements like “ I will pay for my own wedding”. He tried to look like a macho man and a high roller but ended up disclosing that he doesn’t even have any cash flow right now.

His lecturing and his arguments based on no logic were really beginning to irritate me and I am sure he could pick up on my cold and disengaged responses. That was when he gave me a lecture on the importance of being nice on a date and on first impressions. I thought I was going to punch him in the face! Who the hell did he think he was giving me lectures on my behaviour on a date??? Perhaps if you were not the shortest most obnoxious man on the planet I would be a bit nicer and more receptive! Ever think of that asshole???

When the bill came he pulled out enough cash to cover the whole bill and I pulled out my credit card. He looked at my card and then took back half the money he put out and actually split the bill with me. He asked why I offered and I said “because it was the right thing to do and I am into doing the right thing”. He said “I can appreciate that”. I was about to say “and letting a woman pay on a first date is not the right thing to do you idiot!” But I just smiled and prayed to get to my car as fast as possible. When we left the restaurant he asked if I wanted to go for drinks to another place. I told him that I was tired and needed to get home. He took me back to my car and asked to see me again. I didn’t say anything, I just got out of the car. NO THANK YOU!!!!!

Monday, April 5, 2010

Update 21

I can't begin to tell you how hesitant I am to write this update... I have been getting a lot of grief about liking Crazy Guy... I am not sure when I changed his name from Gorgeous to Crazy guy but I did...
Since my last update of going back on jdate and meeting other guys, I have still been seeing him and talking to him. I want to say that everything is great and defend my reasons for liking him and dragging this on but I committed to being honest on my blog so here is the truth....
Things have been difficult over the last 2 weeks. He found out that I was dating other guys and freaked out. I told him that if he didn't want a relationship then I was more then entitled to continue dating. He told me that he is not dating anyone else but he has nothing to offer me and would be holding me back from my future if he agreed to be with me. At the same time, he really likes me and gets upset when I am out with other guys. I still don't get his logic about this whole thing but perhaps he is protecting me from something that he knows about himself that I haven't quite figured out yet. Or he is playing major mind games.
I really don't get him. We talk every day and see each other very often. We act like we are together and all his friends assume that we are. We spent a lot of time over passover grocery shopping and cooking together like a couple... But we fight like crazy.
We still haven't slept together. Half because of me but half because he said it wouldn't be a good idea. I really can't stop questioning why he won't take the next step of saying we are in a relationship... It doesn't make sense to me. I would understand if he wanted to be with other girls but thats not even the issue.
Its starting to get very difficult. And there will be some point where I will need to stop this push/ pull game we are playing. Its also getting to the point where I get a bit nervous that he will find me on jdate or catch me out on a date. Not because I am not allowed but because we fight about it every time and I hate fighting with him. Its also getting to the point were the fighting ends up souring our time together and its becoming less and less fun to hang out. There is also no consistency with him... We can have an amazing day and then the next day he is cold and will start a fight with me to try to push me away or prove to himself that I don't care about him.

Although its very frustrating, I can't really complain because it takes two to tango. I am aware of my part in this insanity. I have the option of ending it and walking away at any point and I keep choosing not to. There is something that is keeping me in this situation.
One of my friends suggested that if I go for emotionally unavailable guys that means that I have commitment issues. I found this to be a very interesting observation. Maybe I go for these guys so that I can blame them for a failed relationship when really these types of relationships are doomed to fail from the beginning. Maybe I am terrified of the idea of spending the rest of my life with one guy. I almost married the wrong guy once, what if I make a mistake and marry the wrong guy and have kids with him etc. Maybe I try to find things wrong with the "good guys" because the thought of actually finding a suitable mate scares the crap out of me...
Who knows??

Another interesting thing I have realized is that in most of my past relationships I have been the one in his role. I have been the controlling, intimidating one that you don't want to mess with. I was bossy and it was a huge mistake to do something to make me mad. I never really considered how uncomfortable this must have been to some of my exs. Now I know. In fact, I even understand why some may have lied to me or bent the truth to avoid me getting angry and freaking out. I am usually a very honest person but I find myself lying to him to avoid conflict. And I often have a knot in my stomach when he starts to ask me questions. I feel like I am on trial. I see a lot of myself and my behaviors and actions in an exaggerated form through him. I have a lot of empathy for my ex fiance after seeing how it feels to be with someone so controlling.
Maybe Crazy guy was sent to me to show me things in myself that need improvement.... And I intend to work on them.
In terms of us... I have no idea what will happen. My guess is that it will run its course and I will take my blinders off and realize that I deserve better. At least I hope thats what will happen.

For now please be empathetic and not so judgmental. Think back to a time where you were stuck in a relationship that was so clearly not healthy but you just weren't ready to get out. And if that never happened to you then thank G-d for how lucky you are to have found your perfect soul-mate. I don't feel like I am done with him yet and perhaps there is a greater reason for that, I just haven't figured it out yet...

Thursday, April 1, 2010

My Thirty Second Date

I met this guy last Sunday afternoon for lunch. He seemed nice. Well spoken. Great job. Pretty cute. A bit short and a bit boring....
Lunch went well. We stayed for almost 2 hours talking about jdate. We exchanged theories about it and laughed about some of our funny past dates. There was no chemistry. He wasn't really connected to Judaism. We talked about Passover because it was coming up that week and he said that he didn't really observe the holiday etc. Also he mentioned that for 2 weeks out of every month he lives in a different state for work. He has his own condo and car there but when he is here he lives with parents and uses their car. I wonder if thats the same story he tells girls there... Anyways, lunch ended and he asked if I wanted to go grab a coffee to continue hanging out. I really didn't. I said that I had to go pick up my niece now so that it wouldn't work out... There was too much that already wasn't working for me with him. Plus, I thought about Crazy guy the entire time...
He called me a few times since the date and I met him once more for a walk in the park. I tried to be interested but I remained bored out of my mind for the entire walk... I politely told him that I was just not that into him.

My Thirty First Date

I found this guy online months ago. We talked a few times on the phone and a lot on msn. Even when I was with the two other guys, we would still chat on msn a few times a week. He has a reputation of being a jerk. He is very forward and crude. He makes rude jokes and has no manners. He is pretty good looking, super tall (like a foot taller then me) and in amazing shape. Also he is a police officer, plays in a band and could be described as white trash. However, he is quite intelligent and is thinking about applying to law school.... Also, i think his humor is quite entertaining and witty.
Anyways, after about 4 months, he texts me on Friday night and asks me what I am doing. I told him that I was at my grandmothers house for shabbat dinner and I was going to go home soon... it was already 11 PM. He told me not to be such a "tight ass" and to meet him and his friends at a bar/club. I was not dressed to go to a club. I was in jeans and my converse shoes but he convinced me to come by. I walked in and looked for the tallest guy in there and recognized him immediately. He gave me a big hug as if we had known each other for years! It kind of felt like that cause we had developed somewhat of a friendship over the last few months. I felt like a little girl... I felt like I was as tall as his belly button, lol!
It was strange to have a first date at a club with his friends but it did ease the tension a lot! And I was surprised with myself that I actually went alone to a club, under-dressed, and with more self confidence then any girl wearing a mini skirt in there!
He was out with a bunch of cop friends who were very drunk but very nice! We sat together in a booth and talked and laughed. It wasn't long before he kissed me. He was very sauve about it. He moved my hair away from my neck and kissed me there and then looked up at me and kissed me on the lips. It was a great first kiss. Not awkward at all and he is an amazing kisser!!! We had a lot of chemistry right away and it felt right to kiss him. He was actually quite cute with me. He made sure I was comfortable, got me a drink (non alcoholic of course), held my hand, put on my jacket etc. he did not live up to his jerky reputation at all!
After the club he asked if I was hungry... It was 2 am but I said sure why not! So we went to a late night Chinese restaurant with one of his friends. We had fun there too! It was a bit weird because his friend was a bit drunk and was totally hitting on me in front of him! He just laughed it off. His friend was younger then me and not Jewish and a real hick! We just kind of laughed at him! He paid for dinner. For some reason with him I didn't even offer to pay. I'm not sure why. I always offer to pay with nice guys but with assholes or players or guys who think they are something I often don't even do the "fake purse reach". We dropped off his friend and then he drove me back to my car. We made out for a bit in his car. I thanked him for dinner and for a nice night and went home.
The second I got home, I already had a facebook message and friend request from his friend, lol!!! I guess he was sober enough to remember my name!
I have seen him one more time since but I will tell you about that in my next update.
I am sooo not into him in terms of a boyfriend or anything serious but I do have a good time with him and am attracted to him. Its never happened to me before that I just like someone physically but have no desire to be with them.... Weird.

My Thirtieth Date

I know I haven't updated my dates in almost 2 weeks... Sorry!!!

I have been keeping up with my time limits on jdate and actually since I set a time limit, I have been on even less then I was allowed! However, before I made my limit, I exchanged contact info with about 7 guys... So I had them on email or msn or bbm or fb or phone.... So I have been pretty busy the last 2 weeks, lol!

I had spoken to this guy months ago but he was busy and I was busy and we never ended up meeting up. He is a 33 year old, semi retired guy. He is very smart and sold his company a few years ago for a lot of money and now he just travels and invests in small companies and watches his money grow....
For some reason as soon as I popped back onto jdate he started messaging me and insisted on meeting me. I wondered why he was so eager as he was not this eager when we first spoke a few months back. We tried to make plans for a few days but I was busy and his eagerness was becoming a turn off. We finally were able to meet on a weekday around lunch time. He said that we could meet at the mall because he needed to return something anyways... I have never had a first date at the mall but why not... I asked him if we would be eating lunch or if I should eat before because it was lunchtime... He said we will just grab a coffee and walk around the mall. For some reason this irritated me. Don't make plans at 12 PM if you plan to just get a coffee... So I took my sweet time and ate lunch at home and let him know that I was going to be late. When I got there he had already returned whatever he needed to and was waiting for me.
He grabbed me and gave me a huge hug as if we were great friends that hadn't seen each other in years... Kinda creepy! His voice sounded a bit like Kermit the frog. I kept wanting him to clear his throat! It was driving me crazy!!! He was very touchy-feely with me... He was not bad looking... He had a weird body type though, large upper body and tiny skinny legs... I kept wondering if he was going to fall over :) About 5 minutes into the date he tells me that we have a common friend. I asked who. He said the doctor's name and asked me how I knew him. I told him that we dated for a bit a few months ago. This jdate pool is getting to be very incestuous!!! All the guys I date seem to know each other!! He tried to get info about us, like why we didn't work out etc. I told him he sounded like an old gossiping jewish grandmother and that if he wanted to know anything he should just ask his friend.... Besides all this, our conversation was great! He is so smart and we talked about business almost the entire time. He told me about a few new projects that he has on the go and I have him some of my ideas and he thought they were great. He also gave me a few good ideas about the business that I have recently started. It was nice to talk to someone so bright and entrepreneurial for a change! I really did enjoy it! We talked for a few hours on a bench outside my favorite store.. I was eying a stunning purple dress the entire time...
So as soon as he left the mall, I ran back inside and bought the dress! So that date ended up costing me $365.00 plus I still need to find new shoes to go with it!
He called me the next day and wanted to see me again but I told him that I was busy until after passover... I think he got the hint ;)