Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Update 2

So I don't know what I was thinking.. this whole thing was WAY to good to be true. I mean whose bf lets them go out on 50 dates to see if she can find her bashert and waits patiently in the hopes that she will return to him. That blew up in my face last week which is why I haven't been blogging in a while. Last week he told me that he was going to be coming to the states from Europe for the Christmas holidays and that he does not want to see me. We had a big argument and I felt like such crap. I was so upset and hurt. We barely ever get to see each other since he moved and now he was going to be so close by and refuses to see me. Then he spent the next few days avoiding me and not calling me. I respected that and didn't try to contact him. Then I got "the email". He said that he wants some space from me and that it is too emotionally difficult to keep talking to me. He doesn't want to hurt me by avoiding me so he is letting me know directly that he just needs some time.
I read the email but didn't respond. There is not a whole lot that I can say back to that. I created this. Even though he agreed to it, I guess he didn't actually realize what he was signing up for. I was very sad and heart broken this week. I have decided to just back off and let him take whatever space he needs. Its the least I can do for him...
In the meantime, I am feeling very resentful of my mother. I keep trying to be rational and to explain to myself that there is no way this is her fault. This is my mess but I guess I need someone to blame and its been her. I feel bad but I can't shake this angry feeling I feel towards her lately. I need to really do some self evaluation and stop blaming my mom and the universe for the situation I created.
This weekend I went with my mom and sister on a trip for my cousins bar mitzvah and had a great time.. things are starting to look up.
Oh ya! And I met a guy in that state and had a great date ;) I will blog about date 8 tomorrow!
Posted by B at 1:26 AM

4 comments:

  1. AnonymousNovember 17, 2009 at 9:29 AM

    I can see why you want to be made at your mom for this. But I guess I have to observe that if you really loved the guy and felt this was right, you wouldn't let your mom influence you. Maybe that is wrong. I am not Jewish, but I grew up with a mother who was very strong, very opinionated, and very controlling. I had to move 1,700 miles away to figure out who I was. It took some time. I met a man, he has his faults, we all do. But he loves me and has made a great father. My mother can't stand him. It was miserable having them in the same space together but I told her I would choose him over her and she needed to understand he was my husband and we are team. Being so far away makes it easier but it's still upsetting. I do hope whatever you decide, you do what will make YOU happy - not your mom, not your boyfriend, just you.

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  2. Boomie SpeakNovember 17, 2009 at 9:29 AM

    Listen, it's time to just own up to this and begin to move on. There was simply no way this was going to end well with your former bf. It couldn't. Now use the information you have learned about yourself for the future. Stop living up to your mother's ideals and start believing in your own. He wasn't right for you and this couldn't have gone any other way without some serious ramifications that would have spelled doom.

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  3. AnonymousNovember 17, 2009 at 5:39 PM

    Go to this man. Now. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
    Or let him go.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AnonymousNovember 17, 2009 at 7:54 PM

    I have to agree with the third post. You either need to let him go and continue on your dates now, or make things right.

    ReplyDelete

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