Monday, December 14, 2009

My Seventeenth Date.

How do I explain this one... He could not have done anything more "right" on our date. When I walked in he got up from his seat and took off my jacket. He told me that I looked nice. He even got me a Hanukkah gift that directly related back to a joke I made when we talked on the phone last week (it was pink socks.. long story). He was polite and respectful the entire evening.
The truth is that without attraction it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. I had already decided that I did not like him. I don't know if this is mean or shallow or what but it is just the way it is. If a guy I "clicked" with did all these things, I would have melted and fallen in love on the spot. But when this guy did it, it almost felt weird and uncomfortable for me.
I did learn something about myself on this date. I know that I am "just not that into him" when I stop watching what I say and I let it all out. For example, I told him that I am bitchy and moody most of the time, I told him that I go to therapy for my severe control issues and I even told him that he seemed too nice which is usually a target for me to be extra mean.
Now picture a guy maybe 5'8 and about 130 pounds telling me that he can handle me and that he is really tough and wants to take on the challenge of taming me. I nearly fell off my seat laughing!!!
After about an hour he asked if I wanted to go somewhere else to continue our date, i told him that I was way to tired and needed to get home. He said "I thought you told me that you were a night owl and liked to stay up late". GET THE HINT BUDDY!!! Don't try to catch me in a lie and make me explain to you that yes I am a night owl I just don't want to hang out with you anymore. Just gracefully take the hint and leave with some pride and dignity. Not this guy... Nope, this guy walks me to my car and tries to "sexily" grab my chin and leans in for a kiss. Are you kidding me?? Who is this guy and where did he get the guts (or maybe the lack of social cues) to feel like he could get away with that? I pulled back and again, trying to be polite, told him that I never kiss on a first date and that I am not that "kind" of girl. Does he let that one go? Hell no! He says, " you've never kissed on a first date? Not even one person? Not ever?" Ahhhhhh! I wanted to scream. I told him that I once did and then I never talked to that guy again cause I found him so disrespectful. So he says "well then I will make you a deal... we wont kiss tonight but then you have to promise me a second date so that we can kiss!" Bahahahah, Its a deal little man!
Yes, these guys actually exist and guess what.. you can find them on jdate!!! Kill me!!!!


  1. "The truth is that without attraction it didn't matter what he did or didn't do. I had already decided that I did not like him."

    I don't understand why you went out with him then. Also a lot of guys will misinterperate your "I don't care what they think" comments as being more emotionally open and interested because you're not trying to hide your therapy/moodiness/etc.

  2. I have been in your shoes. I have tried to do what you are doing for the exact reasons you are on 50 jdates. I realized that trying to find someone I could love as much as much as I loved my boyfriend was not possible. How could I truly open my heart to another man when it was full of him? Ultimately I had to decide the question-- Do I stay true to my beliefs, my religion or do I leave that behind for a completely new journey. How did I want to raise my kids? What was the relationship I needed from my family in the long term.

    I won't tell you which way I went... that's not the point. The point is that the question is not should you find a Jewish boyfriend or go with the man you are in love with now. The question is what are your values- really? How do you want to live in the Long Run? Can you live the life you envision with the man you love now? If so, put yourself and your man out of your misery and be together. If not, it's time to move forward- with or without the possibility of another man in your life.

    I will tell you that after soul-searching with focus what was the life I needed to live as opposed to with whom should I live it, I was able to make a decision that I have never regretted. And that was 28 years ago...

    I'm praying you find happiness

  3. Is conversion an option for your "ex" boyfriend??

    Please share more deets about yourself - me and my friends read your blog and are cheering you on for a happy ending!

  4. Hey!
    Thanks for the comments! Conversion is the option that I suggested but he will not convert. He will not change or compromise or negotiate. He is quite set in his ways and says the only way he wants to make this work is if I take him exactly "as is"... If you want to know anything else, feel free to send me an email and I will answer anything you want to know!