Wednesday, October 28, 2009

My sixth date.

I am starting to get the hang of this dating thing... I am paying attention to body language and what is said at the end of a date to indicate if there will be a second date.
This guy was blah. He was not interesting, not good looking, and had a monotone which made most of the conversation unbearable! He tried to crack a few jokes and they may have been funny if he was able to use other tones to indicate when he was joking and when he was serious. He didn't know what to order so he asked my advice. I told him what I would recommend and then when the waitress came along he tried to flirt with her by asking her what she would recommend, not a smart move on a date... He talked about how he dated a girl who was not Jewish for 4 years and they broke up two years ago and he hasn't been able to get over her since then. He asked me about my past relationships and I told him very little. He asked if I was still friends with my ex boyfriends and I told him that I was. He told me that was compleatly unacceptable to him and that he would not be bale to handle that if we got serious... Well thanks for the heads up buddy! I don't remember ever asking him for his opinion or approval! And aww shucks, it looks like we won't be able to get serious!
He tried to joke around and use insults to try to be funny. They were not so funny, he was not so funny and the date as whole... not so funny. It was an hour of my life that I will never get back.
I noticed that he was leaning into me accross the table, indicating that he was engaged and interested in the converstaion. I, on the other hand was leaning back in my chair with my hands crossed. I noticed that I checked my phone quite often and I checked my watch a few times too. This is a good indication that someone is not interested.
Also, after the date, he walked me to my car (that was nice) and gave me a hug and a gross wet kiss on my cheek and said that he would love to call me sometime but I hadn't given him my number. I smiled and said that I don't give out my number but that I had a really nice time. He said that he would wait for me to call. He may be waiting for quite some time!!!!!!!!!!!!
Another unsuccessful jdate...

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

What I am looking for and FYI

So I have been getting crazy emails lately!! Some are so supportive and kind and others are not soo nice. I am grateful for all the support and even for some of the negative comments cause it helps me to check myself and make sure my motives stay pure... For the purpose of this experiment, my boyfriend and I are not together. We both understand the risks we are taking and we are both mutually willing to take them. We want what is best for ourselves and for the other person. So I am not a cheater or mean woman with no heart and he is by no means a push over or a desperate guy willing to let me stomp all over his heart. We both stand to lose each other in this process.

I have always envisioned myself marrying a Jewish man. When we met I told him that we can never get serious because of this fact. But since I do not control the Universe (this is recent news to me too!) we fell for each other and each day together made it harder and harder to find reasons to separate. But now is crunch time, he wants me to move to Europe to be with him and to start a life. Besides the fact that its a terrifying thing to do for me, I didn't know how to decide if it was right or wrong. I have put faith in this process because I have little faith in my ability to make a decision that could impact the rest of life and my children's lives and yes, even my parents.... Judge if you want but this has been a very painful decision making process and we feel that its the only way.

I think I know what I want and what may be best for me in the long run... Some things are a bit shallow but I believe that I am a great girl and I deserve to be with a great guy. So that means that I do not feel the need to settle for a fat and bald guy just because he is Jewish. I believe that I may be able to find the whole package that I am searching for (my Beshert) and if I am wrong and the Universe allows for it then my bf and I will be able to be together.
So here I am.... 5 dates into my 50 (number 6 tonight) ... feeling nervous and excited.

Monday, October 26, 2009

My Fifth Date.

This date was a little bit different than all the ones I have previously been on. We met for bubbly tea. He seemed really nice and was pretty good looking. We started chatting and it got off to a good start. We talked about all kinds of interesting stuff and he seemed very intelligent and easy to talk to. He told me he was still a student and was going to be doing something in finances as soon as he graduates. I told him that I am an addiction counselor and that I work with teens and young adults who have problems with drugs and alcohol. He told me that he found that fascinating and thought that more people in the world should be doing the kind of work that I do and helping kids in need. He then proceeded to tell me that he smokes a bit too much weed. He asked me for some suggestions. We ended up spending 3 hours in a therapy session discussing his drug use. He said that he really enjoyed hearing my perspective on drugs and my suggestions. We had a great time. He told me that since I destroyed his entire perception of reality that he was not paying for my bubble tea. So I took care of the bill. He said that he would like to see me again, not as a patient but on a date. I told him that all though he is a very nice guy, it would be very unethical to date him again. I have a history of being attracted to guys that need "fixing" and have been working very hard to break that cycle in my life. So unfortunately I had to turn him down and lets see what date number 6 has to offer....

Friday, October 23, 2009

My fourth date.

I am so sorry for complaining about date number one and date number three. This guy.... I don't even know what to say about him. What a tool! We chatted for about a week on msn. He messaged me multiple times a day even if I didn't answer for a few days he kept trying. He said that he knew my sister and that he had seen me before in her facebook pictures and always wanted to ask her if I was single. I thought that was kind of sweet until the msn stalking began. I could tell he was nervous because all his messages ended with LOL, a happy face or haha. It is so unattractive when a guy shows you how insecure he is. After about a week of him desperately trying to meet up with me I finally agreed to get it over with. I agreed to meet him after work at 10:20 PM at a Starbucks that I knew closed at 11. I don't even have words to describe the awkwardness. I am great at keeping a conversation going and I just couldn't do it with him. I was staring out the window, texting people on my cell phone and he just sat there looking at me. I actually felt bad for how pathetic he was. How is a guy like that supposed to find a girl? I talked about all my exs, I talked about other guys I was dating and he did not pick up on any of the social ques of how terribly bored I was even for the short 40 minute meeting. He told me he lives here alone, his family is in a different city and has been here for 11 years. He finished school last June and has a diploma in sports marketing. He has since been looking for a job. So thats right, on top of everything, he's UNEMPLOYED. He told me his jdate "horror" stories. He told me that one woman failed to mention that she had 3 kids until after they met, another one failed to mention that she was not fully divorced yet and her husband still lived with her in the house and other funny ones like that... The only thing he didn't clue into was the fact that they all made those things up to get rid of him from stalking them!!!! And don't you think, first thing this morning he already messaged me. So what should I tell him?? Everyone has already used all the good ones on him! Thank g-d I didn't give him my phone number and I will obviously block him from msn!!!

My third date.

Showed up late -4
In a Kia -6
Didn't hold the door-8
Ordered first -10
Receding hair line in 3 different places -12
He told me who his brother is -15
Paid for lunch +2

I feel bad giving him such a low score cause he was a nice guy just a bit socially awkward. He does nothing all day and then works from 5 pm until 1 am. I think this will make it very difficult for him to have a relationship with anyone that works from 9-5. He does not have a great relationship with his family and he is living with a friend of his that is female (also a turnoff for a new girlfriend). We lasted about an hour until I told him that I had to meet up with my sister. He asked me for my number and I told him that I don't like to give it out and that he could email me. He did. Now I need to figure out what to email him back to tell him in a nice way that I am sooooooo not interested. I really think I must be doing something wrong if he thought he could ask me out on a second date. If someone told me that "they don't like to give out their number" I would get the hint right away!!! Maybe he is just trying his luck. Bless his dorky soul :)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Jdate- funny convo #1

So I had a theory that I got to test today on jdate chat. My theory is that if a guy appears confident and cocky all you have to do is be bitchy and assertive and he will fold into a little apologetic fumbling idiot, unless he is really in fact a confident guy. This guy is a short and very unattractive 30 year old. He is from a Moroccan background which could mean he thinks woman are less then him. His picture is of him inside an expensive sports car and he thought he was the shit.... til he decided to talk to me :) I thought you might find this conversation entertaining so I saved it to add to my blog. Girls, don't be scared to be assertive and call a guys bluff to see if he really is as tuff as he appears to be!

Dumb guy: Very Cute indeed, Great profile

ME: thanks

Dumb guy: Nice to see a women be real on here

ME: what do u mean?

Dumb guy: Are you born in Israel?

ME: No, but father is.

Dumb guy: You open up in your profile you can feel your passion thats good.

Dumb guy: cool

Dumb guy: Your mother is born here?

ME: nope in hungary

Dumb guy: oh wow

ME: and u?

Dumb guy: thats a hot mix

Dumb guy: Born and Raised here.

Dumb guy: My Father is Jewish from Morocco and my Mother is Jewish from here

Dumb guy: My mother is Ashkenazi Russian and Polish

ME: cool

Dumb guy: So do you have any other pics of you

ME: nope thats it

Dumb guy: true that, its always better in person, I dont like getting to know people online.

Dumb guy: So what else is up with you?

Dumb guy: Besides looking all cute for me in this pic.

ME: for u?

Dumb guy: hahah, not yet

ME: i am really not that type of girl and i dont like when guys talk about me like htat...

Dumb guy: why are you thinking so deep into that, Im not that type of guy, relax

ME: I just expect for guys to treat me with a lot of respect, and u are already talking in a way i dont like

Dumb guy: I expect the same, so where on the same page.

Dumb guy: I am very direct I have my criteria also

Dumb guy: so its good to see your a mature person

ME: I am...

Dumb guy: Well then this could work out well. I am the same way. I have a zero tolerance for games

ME: but that doesnt mean that we r each others types or that this could work out well...

ME: what do u do for a living?

Dumb guy: Thats kind of shallow to ask that so soon

ME: i thought u are direct and dont like games...

Dumb guy: I kind of like to wait before we get into that

ME: now u r playing a game

Dumb guy: Yeah but your just throwing it out way tooo soon, dont you think

ME: nope, thats why i asked

Dumb guy: Ok well right now I am looking into becoming a Social Worker, I was working full time but I am doing a career change

ME: so u r not working right now?

Dumb guy: I lost my job due to economic situations

ME: what were u doing before?

Dumb guy: but it was a blessing in disguise, I felt that there was something better for me to do and I love people and helping people with problems, so I think Social work is more for me

Dumb guy: I was in Corporate Business Development before, I was bringing in accounts, closing big sales but my passion have always been with dealing people

ME: sounds good

Dumb guy: so when I lost my Job,I saw that maybe g-d did this to me for a reason to use my other talents into a better career with more meaning

Dumb guy: its not always ABOUT MONEY HONEY

ME: that was another rude comment... I make my own money so thanks for sharing that....

Dumb guy: So if you want the doctor lawyer dentist I cant offer that what I can offer you is stimulating challenging communication and I wont lie I love to cuddle :)

ME: i want someone who is ambitious, it has nothing to do with money. It is attractive when a man has drive and ambition

Dumb guy: So I guess your like the song Ms Independent, Neos song

ME: yup, he wrote that right after he met me :)

Dumb guy: Well I think I have that in me honey

Dumb guy: I dont want to ask you but what do you do

ME: first rule, dont call me honey....

Dumb guy: deal, sorry,That will never happen again scouts honour.

ME: I work with teens who are addicted to drugs or who are in trouble

Dumb guy: for real

ME: yes for real, why do u think i am so tuff

Dumb guy: yes you are tough indeed, But its very attractive

Dumb guy: Why did you give this Jdate a shot.

ME: just broke up with my boyfriend

Dumb guy: I was with a non jewish girl, we broke up cause I want a Jewish woman, plus I have heard good things about jdate, so why not give this shot.

ME: exactly

Dumb guy: Have we ever crossed paths,I feel like I have seen you before or talked I dont know

Dumb guy: Its not always I communicate so well with someone on here.

ME: u dont look familiar... so i dont think so

Dumb guy: Or such a tough woman, hhahah

ME: yup, that i am

Dumb guy: I think thats awesome, I think we need to grab a drink sometime.

Dumb guy: But you never told me your name, sorry my falut, I never asked you.

Dumb guy: What high school did you attend

Dumb guy: What some other guy is messaging you now, am I on the waiting list hahah

ME: now u r showing your jealous side....

Dumb guy: its was a joke, if you saw the hahah

ME: remember, there is truth behind every joke...

Dumb guy: sorry

Dumb guy: How can I be Jelous when we havent met

Dumb guy: If we were in a Relationship and some guy starts grabbing you in front of me, Then where talking a different thing here

ME: even then... I handle myself...

Dumb guy: :) Are you sure your not born in Israel?

ME: yea, I'm sure,why?

Dumb guy: Well you look it a lot and act it a lot but thats good thing

Dumb guy: Where have you travelled? I have been to over 20 countries

ME: all over....

Dumb guy: Maybe we share some passions here,I backpacked Europe in 2000

ME: I dont backpack but i do like to travel

Dumb guy: well now I have friends from all different countries races and relligions 1 love

Dumb guy: Im all about Unity in this world.

ME: then why did u break up with ur non jewish girlfriend?

Dumb guy: deep in the back of my mind I wantted to be with a Jewish woman and marry and make sure my children are Jews

ME: isee

Dumb guy: sorry I didnt want to bring this up

Dumb guy: but what about you

ME: what about me?

Dumb guy: You told me you broke up with your Bf how long was this was he Jewish

Dumb guy: What did he do or didnt do to keep you attracted to him

Dumb guy: Obvious something he was doing to kill the sparks

Dumb guy: This is how I am I am very direct

Dumb guy: Its not to hurt you

ME: he is perfect, just not jewish

ME: u cant hurt me, so dont worry

Dumb guy: Do you take combat training, hahah

ME: i dont need combat training, im naturally tuff

Dumb guy: you are indeed I love it

Dumb guy: Well so you now how it is then. you been through the non Jewish thing too

ME: yup

Dumb guy: J What did you end up doing this weekend

ME: I have to go walk my dog now....

ME: later!

Dumb guy: ok well I hope we can continue this

Dumb guy: but something tells me your pissed at me

Dumb guy: I think your great no matter what.

Monday, October 19, 2009

My Second date- Part 2 and 3

So two dates in and I have already messed up the plan. I went out with the second guy two more times already. He asked me out again, just like I told him he would. (To be honest, I kind of called his bluff, I had no idea that he would actually call.) I guess acting really strong and independent and confident really works out there in the "dating scene". So anyways, we met for lunch at a sushi place by his office. He said that if I was able to wait until 2 to eat, he would take the rest of the day off to spend with me. I said that was great. He called me at 2 and I told him that I had lost track of time and was not ready so we met at 3. Lunch was fun! I thought about eating with chopsticks and not with my hands (the way I normally eat) but then I figured, nah screw it, if he doesn't like the way I eat, better he finds out now. So I told him that I am a messy eater and I enjoy sushi better when I use my hands. I would like to think that he admired my honesty and found it cute! We finished at about 5:30 and then we both had to go to our own families houses for shabbat dinner. I told him that after dinner, I was going to the rabbi's house for a shuir (a lesson) and that he was welcome to join. He told me that he would love to but that his family starts dinner late and he wouldn't make it there on time. Then he said that two dates in one day was breaking his "jdate rules". I told him that he should consider himself lucky cause a second date all together breaks my "jdate rules"!

The next day he asked me out again. The plan was that I would meet him midtown (thats where he lives and where the better restaurants are) for dinner. We met at his place, had a glass of wine, well, I had half a glass cause that is way more then I usually even handle. Then we went out for a nice Italian dinner. He told me that he knows that I am trouble. I innocently asked what he meant... He said that he NEVER takes a girl out two days in a row and NEVER on a Saturday night. He also told me that he had a few other dates set up but decided not even to call the girls back. He told me that I was messing up his game. I told him to please call all the other girls back and not to let me mess up anything because he wasn't messing up my game and I have every intention on continuing to date. He looked like he wanted to punch me :) We went back to his place and had some snacks and watched Family guy til I was so tired and had to go home.

I will not keep posting dates about this guy even though I do think there will be more, unless its a really good one!

I am trying really hard to fall for him. He is a really great guy. I think I need a bit more time and perhaps a bit more distance between me and my boyfriend. We had some really painful and difficult conversations this week and I feel more confused then before. I wonder if this challenge was a good idea or not but I am going to stick it out cause I have no other way of knowing.

Friday, October 16, 2009

My Second date.

Uh oh. This date actually went quite well. He was tall, good looking and a lawyer... He acted like a perfect gentleman the whole time. We decided to meet at Starbucks after I was done seeing a client. It was about 9:30 and of course I showed up late and he was already waiting. I ordered a tall, iced, non fat latte with half a shot decaf espresso, non fat milk, no pump, one splenda and caramel on top. I asked him not to judge me on my drink order. He laughed! The conversation was great and he was funny and charming. We stayed until Starbucks closed and then we left and went to 24 hour coffee shop down the street. We each talked about our non negotiable lists. I told him that my mate has to be Jewish, mentally healthy (him and his immediate family) and financially stable and responsible. He said he passed the first two and half of the last one. He said he makes money but likes to spend it. So I told him that was not a problem as long as if we got married I would be in charge of the finances. He almost chocked on his coffee and I just smiled, cause I was not joking! He said his list was more simple. Jewish, looks good inside a bathing suit and looks good outside a bathing suit. I told him I passed all of those except that after 5 kids (thats how many he said he wanted) I couldn't promise what my body would look like. He suggested Pilates, I suggested we end the date right there :) We ended up staying out for 3 hours and then he said that we should go because he had to wake up early. He said that we have already touched on subjects that most people don't get to on the first date like the fact that I will be controlling his money and I may get fat after 5 kids. I smiled and said that the really amazing thing is that even after knowing all of that about me, he would still call me for a second date. He walked me to my car and asked me to message him when I got home safe, I thought that was really sweet and I did. And he asked me for a second date :) Needless to say, my mom was happy.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

My First Date.

Where do I begin.... So it was about 10 PM and some guy messaged me on jdate. We chatted for a while, he asked if I would call him on the phone and I did. We talked for quite a while on the phone and the guy seemed nice. He asked me how spontaneous I was. He asked if I was spontaneous enough to meet him right now at 11:30 PM. I was hesitant but because of my sworn oath to this challenge, I said yes. I got out of my PJ's, put on some jeans and some make up and I went. The only thing open around my area at that hour was a small coffee shop so thats where we met. When we got there we found out it was closed and that only the drive thru was open. Being up for anything, I said that we should just get coffee from the drive thru and chat outside. We did. Or rather he did. He talked and talked and talked. He talked about past girlfriends and he talked about how he was "between jobs" and how he was seriously considering quiting smoking. I let him know that smoking was on my non negotiable list and so was unemployment. He said he was opening up a small business and that he would need a girl to come along for the ride. I smiled politely while thinking to myself "good luck with that buddy"! He appologized for the place that he took me and said that usually he likes to take a girl to Starbucks... easy there big spender!!!
So being a very assertive person I found it very shocking that it took me a full half hour to try to explain that I was tired and needed to go home.
As soon as I pulled out of the parking lot, I got a text message asking for a second date. Are you kidding me?? Were we on the same date?? Did I give any ounce of a sign that I was interested in a second date?? I need to be more aware of that for the rest of the 49....

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

My plan.

I have set up a dreaded jdate account. So far I have not included my picture but I have a feeling that I may have to add it if I want to get to 50 dates and soon! As wonderful as my profile is and as wonderful as I sound in it, for these guys, a picture is worth a thousand words. I have been looking through some of the guys profiles and so far I am not too impressed. Which is either a good thing for my boyfriend or a bad thing for my mom! I am going to try not to be too picky and give everyone who wants a date a chance. Also, I have some friends and family members who are out looking for "nice Jewish guys" to set me up with. I am starting to feel like this might be the craziest thing I have ever decided to do in the name of love! I am also fortunate that my boyfriend is being so supportive of my craziness!

Monday, October 12, 2009

My Challenge.

I have agreed to go on 50 dates with Jewish guys. If I am not meant to be with my boyfriend then I am bound to find my soul mate within the 50 dates. I am doing this challenge with an open mind to find a Jewish husband. However, if I do not find one then I will know that my boyfriend is the one and that we are meant to be. I will be dating Jewish guys between the ages of 26 and 32 from my home town. I will not turn anyone down who asks me out or is set up to meet me. I will be open to meeting anyone that thinks he could be the one. I have no idea where I will even begin to find these guys or how long this challenge will take but I think this is the only way I will ever know if my boyfriend and I are meant to be. I will keep you all posted about how the dates go and what the dating scene is like today. I am both excited and terrified! I feel like I have a lot on the line here. But since G-d doesn't want to give me a sign in neon lights, this is the next best idea that I have come up with. So bring on the Jdates!!!!!

My situation.

I am a Jewish girl who is dating a non Jewish guy. Not only is he not Jewish, he lives in Europe. I love him and want to marry him but he does not want to convert. I have been looking for signs to stay with him or to leave him but I have not found any. I am not sure if I think I can't marry him because I want to marry a Jewish guy or because of my mother. I have talked to Rabbis and family members and friends and they all say that I need to marry a Jewish guy. If I decide to stay with him I would also be moving to Europe to be with him for two years and then he would move back home with me to raise a family. He is very open to my customs and my religion and even came to spend the Jewish holidays with me and my family and participated in all the customs and even came to synagogue with us. He just doesn't think its right to convert for marriage and therefore does not want to do it. He hopes I will change my mind about marrying a non Jew and be open minded to moving to Europe to start a life with him.