Thursday, December 17, 2009

My Eighteenth Date.

I randomly messaged a guy that I had added to msn about a month ago from jdate. I vaguely remembered speaking to him and I recalled that his profile picture was cute. We started chatting and he asked if he could call me. It was weird but I felt a connection even from the brief chat so I gave him my number. We spoke for about an hour and then I had to go for dinner with my family. He added me to his blackberry messenger so that we could chat later on. He lives about 6 hours from me but said that he comes to my city every 2 weeks for business and would be coming in very soon. That night he messaged me and then called me and we spoke until 4 am. He said everything right. He told me that my pictures were gorgeous and that he couldn't wait to meet me. He called me endearing names in Hebrew, which I loved! He told me all about his family and I told him about mine. He seemed like everything I would want on paper, the missing piece was whether or not we had physical chemistry. His pictures were cute but I have been disappointed before... So I remained a bit skeptical. He was quite a bit older then me, almost 9 years but told me that he was very young at heart. He seemed to be smart, successful, TALL, sweet, respectful, and just an all around good person. The next day he messaged me and I actually got butterflies in my stomach! I was so excited to hear from him and it has been a long time since a guy has made me feel like that! I started to make it "meant to be" in my head. I thought, maybe g-d made the closure with my ex so that I could properly receive love from this guy. He matched exactly what I said i was looking for. He was the right age to want no bullshit and to just find the one and get married. It really seemed perfect... So much so that the number 18 is a very significant number in Judaism and two other guys cancelled this week making him date number 18!

There have been various mystical numerological speculations about the fact that, according to the system of Gematria, the letters of chai add up to 18. For this reason, 18 is a spiritual number in Judaism, and many Jews give gifts of money in multiples of 18 as a result. In the Hebrew language, the word chai (חַי) spelled by these two letters means "living," is related to the term for "life," chaim, and also appears in the slogan "`am yisrael chai!" (עַם יִשְׂרָאֵל חַי, "The people of Israel live!" (Wikipedia).

We spoke the next day a few times and then again that night until 3 am. We even spoke and text messaged each other the next day. He was talking as if we were together and it felt comfortable and nice. He told me that he had a meeting in my city in two days and that he was coming in and wanted to see me. He arrived at 7:30 pm and by 8 we were together. I let him pick me up, which I NEVER do! As soon as I got into his car there was such a sense of relief because he was actually really good looking which made him the perfect complete package! We went out for coffee and as we were ordering he gave me a kiss on my forehead (that is one of my most favorite things). I was totally hooked, lol. I told him on the phone that I do not kiss on the first date so as we were sitting down he said "make sure you keep your hands to yourself because I don't kiss on the first date!" He was charming and funny and sexy! It took me maybe 10 minutes before we kissed and the kiss was awesome! He was talking about marriage and that he hopes our kids would look like me. OMG a guy who is not afraid to talk about marriage!!! Where has this man been hiding all my life! Or maybe G-d was saving him for when I was ready! We drove around my area a bit and we were looking at homes that were for sale. He told me that he would buy me whichever one I wanted and that he could give me a very nice life. He told me that he wanted to take care of me, even though he knew that I was an independent woman on my own. Everything he was saying seemed like the fairy tale ending I was hoping for. We went back to my house, I have NEVER let anyone even see where I live let alone come in on a first date! He met my mom and my sister and even my dog, who usually barks at everyone, did not bark at him. We kissed a lot and there was passion and chemistry and I could not believe that this was really happening! I made sure to keep my bedroom door open for two reasons, I didn't trust him not to try anything and I didn't trust myself not to want what he might try. We had a really great night but it was late and he had to get back to his friend's place and had a very early meeting in the morning.
He told me that after the meeting he would call me and take me for lunch. He called me at lunch time and told me that the meeting went very well and that he and his business partner needed to head back to the office to start on the order right away and that he will try to get back here to see me as soon as he could. I didn't here from him the entire 6 hour drive back and by that time I was already at work. When I finished work at 10 pm I had a voice mail from him saying that his phone battery had died so he couldn't call me the whole way home but that he was home now and wanted me to message him when I was done work and then he promised to call to say good night. I messaged him at about 11 and he said that he was jumping into the shower and would call me very soon. He didn't call that night. I didn't hear from him the next day or evening. I finally decided that I have nothing to lose, he doesn't even live near me, so I messaged him. I asked him if he had fallen in the shower last night. He said "oh babe, i am so sorry, I crashed right after the shower in bed and work has been insane today. I use the "work is really busy" line on guys that I am not interested in seeing again. I said "ok, talk to you soon then," knowing full well that I had been played. Perhaps its Karma coming back to bite me in the behind after doing this to a bunch of the guys that I had been on dates with. Perhaps I am supposed to take a few valuable lessons out of this.... Guys lie. And if it seems to good to be true, it often is. Also, I am more naive then i thought I was and I need to be a bit more cautious of the players. My final clue to this story was that I was driving on the highway today and saw a license plate that had his initials and then the word player! so if his name was John Smith, the license plate was JSPLAYER... Thanks for the clear sign G-D!
I will admit that I was disappointed and let down but he must have served some important purpose in my process and on my journey so I still wish him well and secretly hope that he really is just "busy with work"....


  1. I never understood why guys (let alone the ones who are older and seem like they want a relationship) go over-the-top when they date a girl if that's not who they are. I feel bad that you liked him so much and he turned out to be all talk. I think he must be serving a higher purpose- maybe to show you that you can feel "butterflies" without them being form your ex. I hope your other dates go even better and this will inspire you to learn how to spot a player!

  2. It's date 18 (that's a lot so far...) and you put yourself out there and risked getting involved, and you don't seem jaded. I'm impressed. Maybe he's not a player. You didn't think that at first. Step back and give him time to show his true colors. Maybe he's freaked out because it was going so well so quickly.

  3. I've been in that situation before and I know when a guy starts talking like that, to RUN because they're playing a game. However, everyone needs to learn that sad lesson at some point. I'm glad you learned it but I'm really sorry it didn't work out! I know you will find your bashert in time.

  4. I'm sad that he met your family and everything. I just don't understand what is the purpose of that. Why is it necessary to lead someone on.

  5. Why is it necessary to date/marry someone who is Jewish? According to Halacha, you can marry a non-Jew and your children will still be 100% Jewish.

    It is probably even healthier for the gene pool to hook up with someone who does not have the same Ashkanazi background (and disease markers). In the botanical world, this is referred to as "hybrid vigor", but the same concepts apply to humans.

  6. Beware the guy who sweeps you off your feet!

    I must say, you seem to be handling all of this quite well.