Monday, November 2, 2009


I am starting to really question myself. I thought this would be tons of fun and so far it feels painful, depressing and hopeless. So far none of the guys I have met are for me. Date number two lasted a few dates and then he told me that he wanted to stop dating other people, implying that he wanted to get to know me better and only date me. There was no way I was ready to do that. I still had like 45 dates left to go at that point. I told him that I was not ready and I have not heard from him since. I debated calling him and I wondered if I was letting "a good catch" go but whatever is meant to be will be so I decided not to look desperate and not to bother calling him and to just let him go. I was supposed to go out with a guy on Friday night after Shabbat dinner but decided to cancel because dinner ran a little late and I was exhausted. I wasn't too pumped about this guy anyways but I told him we would reschedule for next week.

I have been having very sad conversations with my boyfriend. It is feeling less likely that there is much hope for us working out. The love is there but it feels like we would have to move mountains to make this work. I hope that if anything, I get some sort of clarity and sanity after I go through with the rest of the dates. This weekend I was really debating if I should just stop this silly experiment, pack a suitcase and get on the next plane to Europe... I need to start to use my head, not my heart. So for now I have decided to hang in there and wait for date number 7...


  1. Love is a matter of the heart, not the mind. Maybe this feels wrong to you because you are forcing through these dates while knowing there's a really amazing guy who was already waiting for you? Then again I don't know anything about your relationships, it's dynamics or both of your lives. So I would say do what feels right to you in both your heart and your mind. I wish you the best of luck no matter what you decide. :D

  2. If you expect to find "the one" you need to use your heart not your head. Don't lose someone special for the sake of an experiment. It isn't worth it and you will regret it the rest of your life... but don't listen to me either 'cause you need to do what is right for you. Like the person in comment 1 said, I don't know the dynamics of your relationships. Just coming from a girl who has a hard time using her heart because her thinking gets in the way, sometimes you need to stop thinking. Trust me.

  3. I think you should marry your boyfriend. <3

  4. Jump on a plane today.


    If it's a mistake you can fix it later, but if you don't, this feeling you have will never go away.

    It's not my life or my business, but if mountains need moving, move them.

  5. I'm in a similar situation (dating a non-Jewish guy, not doing 50 jdates :p) and honestly I don't think you can understand it unless you're going through it. I come from a very religious background and have been struggling a lot recently with trying to understand how to reconcile my beliefs and Jewish knowledge with the fact that I'm ok dating a non-Jew.

    I think your experiment is a good idea but flawed for a few reasons- a) I imagine it took a while to find and connect with your boyfriend, so too it will take a while to find someone else you're compatible with.
    b) I think if you're picky with the guys it will up the odds of finding one who might work with you
    c) 'ain somchin al ha-nes' you can't depend on a miracle. Asking G-d to intervene personally in your life and giving up your free choice will not force him to pick the guy for you. You have free will and it's up to you to decide if you can live with your boyfriend or not. Imagining that G-d is making this choice wull only end badly later when things are hard with any guy you end up with because in the end it will be your decision.

    I wish you much luck with this experiment. I've enjoyed reading your posts so far. I for one could not handle breaking up and later trying to get back together but hopefully if you stay open with your boyfriend you might still be able to stay with him.

    In the end I think marriage is about making a decision to be with that person through thick and thin. We hear the words all the time, but how many people actually internalize them?

  6. It's especially lonely and discouraging when you meet so many guys and none of them turns you on. I do think that staying in touch with your boyfriend makes matters worse. If you're going to continue this experiment, you need to cut off all contact with him until the experiment is completed. How can you be open-minded about your prospects if you are still hearing his voice and making pseudo-plans and contemplating buying plane tickets?

  7. I'm not Jewish, but I understand how hard it can be when it comes to feeling the pressure of feeling like you have to choose between your religious background and the man you love.

    While the majority of commenters seem to think that you should just rush off and marry your boyfriend, you may want to listen to those thoughts that pushed you to do this experiment.

    If the differences between your boyfriends and your social and religious backgrounds were enough to consider ending the relationship, perhaps you should stop and listen?

    The heart is a strong influence on our everyday lives, but you cannot build a foundation of a happy life on love alone.

    I hope you find what you are looking for.

  8. Marriage in America has gotten out of hand. 50% of all relationships in this country will end in divorce. There are fundamental flaws in your European romance and you should not overlook them. You sound like a very strong and interesting woman. You are doing something that others would be afraid to, so keep going. I also wrote about your blog on my site. Check it out...


  9. Why would you even start going with a non-jewish man considering how seriously you observe and take your religion. You created your own hell. The irony is that you seem to find greater difficulty falling in love with Jews!!!!