Monday, November 9, 2009

My seventh date.

He was tall, handsome and had a great body... Everything was perfect until he opened his mouth!! He spoke with a cross between a 17 year old valley girl and a "stereotypical gay guy". I actually thought he was joking at first but he was NOT! His voice and expressions did not at all match his looks. Of course this would be something I would be able to overlook if the rest of the date didn't go as it did. This guy is a modern orthodox guy. I had never been out with someone who was "more Jewish" then me. He keeps strictly kosher and he keeps Shabbat (no driving, no electricity etc). He started to make his demands on what I would have to do to be able to be his wife. For the first time I really got a clue into how my boyfriend must have felt when I did this to him. I felt like I wasn't good enough and like my ways were less then his ways. I started to feel ashamed for not keeping Shabbat and like I was not a good enough Jew or something. He told me that I would have to start right away by keeping kosher, I would not even be allowed to eat out at a restaurant that was not kosher. I would of course need to start keeping Shabbat because (to quote him using his valley girl voice) "Shabbat just Rocks, ok?" He then proceeded to tell me that he would want at least 5 kids. He also told me that because his family is a Kohen Family (the highest form a Jewish family can be) he has even more restrictions. His wife can not be a widow or a divorcee. He said that in fact there are so many different little rules that it is best I don't even tell him about my past dating history and I keep it "quiet" in the community... Really?? Is that all I have to do to be lucky enough to be with Valley Boy?? Where do I sign up?? Barf!!!! I was so angry (after I got over feeling ashamed) at him! Who was he to tell me all the things I need to change about my life to be worthy enough to be with him. And thats when it hit me. Isn't that what I have been asking my bf to do? I should be feeling angry at myself for making him feel the way this stranger just made me feel. I guess its true what they say, everything happens for a reason and maybe this date happened to give me some perspective on what I am doing to him. He asked me for my number about 60 times through out the date in his whiny valley girl voice and I told him that I would check first with a rabbi that we both know to ask if it would be a good idea. He finally agreed to that and we went our separate ways. Obviously, I didn't even bother asking the rabbi about him because he is NOT for me!!! Once again... I have some soul searching to do...


  1. B,

    It is great that you are beginning to understand how it feels to be on the receiving end of strict demands. Find solace in the fact that you are beginning to grow as an individual. Now, as you move forward, keep your standards in mind, and at the same time open your heart for each new individual you go out with on these dates.

    With life and romance, the journey to our destination is more important than the end, so enjoy each second. You have 43 dates left, so my challenge for you, starting today, is to open your heart to each guy (if only for a brief moment) and look for the good in them. Keep an eye out for the men who actively look for what makes you fun, unique and worth loving and then, look for the same in them.

    Cupid is the embodiment of everything we hope for love to be (exciting, fun, spontaneous, non-judgmental and everlasting), but don't forget that he is a little boy in diapers and, as such, may sometimes need a little assistance. Opening your heart helps him find focus and allows him to aim just a little bit better. It's in your control, so make the most of it!


    DD, PhD

  2. there's also nothing wrong with wanting to marry a jew, and what this was asking you to do is much more than you'd be asking your boyfriend to do.

    but, you def should think about why it's important for you to marry a jew. for me, i want to share that commonality with my wife, and someone who isn't jewish just won't get that. that's why i'm on jdate. why did you decide to do this experiment?

  3. Glad that you are posting again! I am excited about your dating journey and am happy for you that you have learned so much in such a short amount of time. GO YOU!!!!!!

  4. Hey, and if he contacts you again, just tell him, with as much pretend regret/shame as you can manage without giggling, that you had relations of the naked type with a non-Jew. That makes you ineligible for the role of Mrs. Kohen, unless he's up for forfeiting his status by marrying you. He can marry a non-virgin, but only if her naughty bits kept kosher, so to speak.

  5. yeah, here's a great example of the difference between standards and intolerance. You're looking for commonalities, he's looking for perfect. there IS a difference

  6. I'm LOL as I read this. Valley boy indeed! Hahahaha...