Friday, November 12, 2010

Update 39

Things with my bf continue to be great! This past week was tons of fun. We introduced our mothers and the four of us spent the day together downtown. We went for lunch and saw a play and the moms really hit it off! I had lunch with his sister and her beautiful baby. A woman at the restaurant asked me if the baby was my niece and I said yes :) hopefully one day she really will be!
Friday night I brought him over to the rabbis house for Shabbat dinner. This was very interesting to say the least. He is Jewish but has issues with the hypocrisy of orthodox Judaism. I made him promise to behave and to keep his thoughts to himself and to just enjoy the meal. He promised he would and dinner was going great.... Until the rabbi leaned over and asked him "so what intrigues you about Judaism?" I jumped in and in what felt like slow motion yelled noooooooooooooooooooo! That was it! The can of worms was opened! And there was nothing I could do about it! He started a huge debate about religion and the laws and rules and the hypocrisy etc. Everyone joined in, the rabbi, his kids and the other guests. I had to go to the other room because I did not want to get involved and try to manage what he was saying like I normally do in past relationships. I let him just say whatever he wanted and knew it was not a reflection of who I was or what I believe. I let him be his own person and own his own thoughts feelings and beliefs. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal but for me it was HUGE! Turns out that it was the best shabbat dinner everyone has had in a very long time. The kids loved the debate, the rabbi thought my bf was brilliant and his arguments were fantastic. He was so impressed with how knowledgeable he was about all the rules and laws to even be able to argue them as well as he did. And my bf had a fantastic time getting to argue things that he has been dying to say to a rabbi! So it was a hit! It also meant a lot to me that the rabbi liked my bf and that my bf liked the rabbi!

Saturday we babysat his niece. We took her to the mall then to a toy store. He bought her such cute toys that I picked out ;) It was so much fun playing house together. He loves her so much and I can see that he will be an amazing father one day.

A few people have written some concerns about me talking to my ex. This week we maybe messaged back and forth for a short few minutes and nothing important was really said. I honestly don't think of him. If he messages me I answer but I really couldn't care less if I speak to him. I was asked yesterday by a friend what would happen if me and my bf break up, would I go back with my ex? My honest answer was no. I know that I am able to find happiness with another man and I know that it feels so wonderful to love without a heavy and unsure heart. I know how I feel about Judaism and about my family and I would not compromise that, especially not after all that I have been through this year.
In fact, I am trying to start a group for Jewish women to raise awareness of the importance of having a Jewish home and keeping secular Judaism alive. It is obviously a topic close to my heart.

So to sum up... I am super happy in my relationship. I love his family and they love me. He loves my family and they love him and even our moms like each other! He likes the rabbi and the rabbi likes him! Oh, and I love him and he loves me, lol!

Its his birthday next week.. any ideas of what I should do? I want it to be very special! I already got him an iPad but I want to do something nice the day of.... :)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Update 38

The Ultimate test:

Last Thursday I was sitting at my bubby's (mom's mom) dinner table next to my boyfriend when my blackberry made an email noise. I looked at my phone and saw that I had just received an email from my ex. I felt a lump in my throat and a knot in my stomach. I tried to discreetly read the email. He thanked me for respecting his space and giving him the time he needed and asked for. He told me that he missed me and would like to catch up. He also told me that he had heard that I had been dating someone for a few months and wanted to know all about it.
My boyfriend looked over at me and asked if everything was okay. I said yes and closed my phone. I was caught off guard and didn't know what to think or feel. Was I being tested? Was my new relationship being tested? Why now? Why would he email me now, after I finally found some happiness and found a way to move on? After dinner I went over to my best friends house to talk to her about what I should do. Should I email him back and catch up and risk getting emotionally involved again and missing him and bringing up old feelings? Should I delete and ignore the email? I really wasn't sure what the right decision was so I decided to do nothing and give it a few days. I had been waiting so long for this email and now that I got it I didn't know how to feel about it. I worried that he only wrote because he heard that I had moved on and wanted to sabatoge it or something. I had so many fears and worries about what the right thing to do was. I called up my boyfriend and told him that I got this email and I told him the truth about how I was feeling and about my concerns and that I didn't know what to do. He listened and told me that he trusts me and trusts that I will make a good decision and that he doesn't think this would bother him or come between us. I thanked him for being so understanding.
The next night I stayed over at his house and started to compare him to my ex. I started to create arguments and find things that made me mad. After he fell asleep I called my best friend and told her that I was freaking out and I was starting to sabotage. After talking to her and realizing what I was doing I crawled back into bed, into his arms and squeezed him tight. I decided to keep moving forward with him and not to let my past and thoughts and ex ruin an amazing relationship. I put the email out of my head. I spent the weekend with my boyfriend and we had a great time! We spent the day downtown and then had dinner with my parents and sister and brother in law, saw friends, and even took his niece trick or treating! Then Sunday when I got home, I went online and my ex messaged me. I was hesitant but I wrote back. We started chatting and then ended up speaking on skype. It turned out to be a great conversation. He was in a good place where he was really able to hear all about me and my new bf. He told me what he had been up to the last almost year and the convo went surprisingly well. I didn't feel anything I was worried I might feel. It felt like an old friend catching up. I didn't feel like I wanted to see him or that I missed him or that I had made the wrong choice. It felt just perfect the way it went. Before we hung up I made one boundary clear... I said that we could try to be friends as long as I didn't start trying to get things from him that I was supposed to be getting from my bf (eg. attention or compliments etc). I wanted him to act as a friend and not take on a boyfriend role in my life. And that was it ; my one rule of our friendship.
I spoke to my bf about all of it and remained completely honest with him. I told him about my rule and he said that it seems more then fair. He promised to let me know if it ever bothered him and I made sure he knew that his feelings were at the top of my priority list.
This is just one more thing that makes me feel so grateful for him and how amazing and rational and understanding he is. I am a lucky girl!!!
And if that was a test.. I believe I passed with flying colors!!!
I am completely confident that I made the right choice and I am even more in love with my bf after this experience.