Wednesday, January 6, 2010

My Twenty First date

The last time I saw this guy was about eight years ago. I used to carpool to school with his younger brother (who I am still friends with and knows about this blog so I can't go into great detail) and his mom made him drive us and the rest of the carpool to school. He was not pleased. I have had him as a friend on facebook for a few years because we "know of" each other and have many common friends. Randomly one day he wrote me a message on facebook. He asked how I was and what I had been up to for the last 8 years. We exchanged a few emails back and forth and I told him that if he wants we can meet up to catch up. Over the last 8 years, he went to four years of Med school and was currently in the middle of his third (out of 5) year of residency to become an Obstetrician/gynecologist, yes, that is a vagina doctor. What a difference it is to go on a date with an educated, successful proffessional. There was no coffee, no bubble tea, etc. We met in the lobby of his condo and walked to a nice Italian restaurant around the corner. We shared grilled calamari, some wine and I got my favorite dish (pasta with tomato sauce and goat cheese) and he got fish. It was delicious! The conversation was great and we were having such a great time that we decided to go to another place to get dessert. We shared a huge crepe with ice cream and strawberries and chocolate sauce and whipping cream! After dessert I went up to see his place. I only felt comfortable to do this because I technically already knew him, and his family and was friends with his brother so it felt okay. He had a really nice place but I began to notice that everything was strategically placed, there was zero clutter and every picture hung perfectly on the wall. It was almost OCD how perfect everything was. I asked him about it. He said that the meanest thing anyone could ever do to him would be to move a picture in his condo and not tell him which one it was so he wouldn;t know which one to fix. I laughed and told him that it was a bad idea to tell a girl about his achillies heel on a first date! He gave me a kiss goodnight and I went home. Over the next few days we exchanged messages on our blackberrys (bbms). Now please don't get me wrong... I am a smart girl. English is my first language and I have a Masters degree and still, I needed a dictionary just to understand some of his text messages!!! I told him that the exuberance of his verbosity was far too copious for my diminutive comprehension... He laughed but I wasn't joking!!!
His schedule is insanely busy but we met up again a few days later. We went to a movie and then grabbed a coffee and then at midnight I talked him into going to Mcdonalds! We had so much fun! It felt like high school! The only thing missing was the chemistry. I tried to force it. I gave myself pep talks that come to think of it sounded like my mothers voice inside my head... "But he comes from a wonderful family and he will make a great husband and father, sex fades anyways, don't let this one go". Screw that! I can find both! (Gulp, at least I hope I can).
After that date the messages got less flirtatious and less frequent. I know I stopped putting in the effort and I think he could feel it. He will still message once in a while but I don't think we will be able to more then friends... I hope I am not being a moron cause he is a great guy... Sorry mom, no Jewish doctor for you!!!

Back to jhell, I mean jdate.


  1. we have the same Masters and ....
    "the exuberance of his verbosity was far too copious for my diminutive comprehension" puzzles me... HUH!? HAHA

  2. Sex definitely doesn't fade in importance. You should only be with someone that you have sexual sparks with. If you try to make it work with someone you lack chemistry with, it's really likely that later, maybe after you're married or possibly with kids, you'll realize that you're missing sexual satisfaction in your life, and that it's much more important to you than you realized, and that'll suck, because it'll mean divorce or shitty unsatisfying sex.

    You made the right decision, no reason to second guess. No reason to settle on chemistry, keep holdin out for someone who turns you on, as well as fits the checklist :)

  3. I agree with DoGooderLawyer, especially with an ob/gyn. Their schedules are intense and will only get worse after graduating residency.

  4. While physical/sexual chemistry is important, you don't want someone who you're only physically/sexually attracted to and not so much in other ways. I made that mistake twice and while the sexual aspect was out of this world, we had so many other issues that ultimately led to the end of the relationship in both instances. But when you're overly sexually attracted to someone, it can cloud your judgement and make it haaaaaaaard to leave that person when things start going bad. I'm telling you, that ish takes hold over you!! Lol.