Saturday, April 24, 2010

Update 23

Still haven't talked to crazy guy in over 3 weeks, woo hoo!
I have, however, been hanging out a lot with the cop (Date number 31)...
It's been very light and casual and hilarious! I laugh from the minute I see him to the minute I leave! He is so funny! We go out out a lot which is a change from the last 2 guys I dated where I just sat in their condos all evening watching TV or movies or cooking...
We have gone to watch bands, to see his friends jam, to movies, for dinners, I even went to go see him do stand up comedy and he was soooo damn funny!
He met my mom for two seconds when he came to pick me up... I hurt my ankle very badly and couldn't drive and I wanted ice cream badly! So he came to get me and took me out for ice cream :) I like it when guys that are normally assholes do nice things and show that they care. I met his mom and step dad as well.
A few things that are starting to turn me off.... He is 33 and lives at home. He has a good job but does not seem to have any money saved up which is s huge red flag for me. Also, he keeps talking about going back to school cause he doesn't want to be a cop anymore... I have no desire to wait four years until he gets out of school and starts working to pay off student loans... He will not be actually making money for like 6 more years.
For now, I enjoy his company and he makes me laugh and feel carefree! I have continued to date other people and do not want to commit to him because I do not see a real future with him. Since we both live at home we have not had much privacy and therefore have only kissed in 3 weeks of hanging out. I'm not sure about him but I am happy taking things super slow and just having a good time, going out, hanging with friends etc...

I hung out a few more times with the Family friend (date number 35)...
He came out for my best friend's birthday last Saturday night and had a few too many to drink and asked me to come home with him. I said that I did not want to and he kind of flipped out and got mad and left without saying goodbye. He apologized the next day but I have not seen him since then. He has messaged me a few times this week but I am really not interested in him. I may bump into him this weekend or next and it won't be weird but I do not want to be with him....

I have been thinking quite a bit about my ex... I have had a few dreams about him this week. I am over half way done my 50 dates and I haven't found anyone that makes me feel like he did...
Just thought I would share that...


  1. What are you going to do when you reach your fifty date mark? There isn't really anything else to do other than keep dating, huh?
    Have you thought about Shidduch? I think that's what its called, the Jewish match making? Not really sure if that is considered a person or just a system of doing things. Or is that only for orthodox Jews? As you can tell, I have no idea what I am talking about LOL. A little insight and explanation would be appreciated.

  2. Maybe you're only thinking about your ex since JDate doesn't seem to be coming through for you. Just keep in mind, he was amazing for you, but you'll still have the same issues if you try to go back to him. You started JDate for a reason, and if that reason is still important to you then running back to the ex won't fix that.

    The question with your ex is the exact same as when this whole process started. Is it more important to be with your ex, or with someone who is jewish?

  3. You were with your ex for a long time and obviously cared about and were cared about. But just because he was a great person does not mean he was great *for you*.

    You'll have to find another good match and be with him a while before you'll feel closer to him than your ex. And even when you do you will still miss him a bit because he meant something to you. Even if you could erase that would you want to?

    Life is a process, and dating is a process. Keep your head up, heart open, and focus on being a person who is worthy of love and looking for it in return. You can do it!

  4. I notice that you keep commenting on it is a huge turnoff when a guy still lives at home, yet you still live at home. Don't you think you are being a bit hypocritical? Why should you not be held to the same standards as your dates? I just had to comment b/c it is really driving me crazy. If you want privacy maybe you should be looking into getting your own place away from your parents.

  5. A few things concern me in this post:
    1. You say you like it when a guy who is "normally" an asshole treats you nicely. That, to me, is a huge red flag on your part. If a guy is "normally" an asshole, do not continue seeing him. It seems they are your favorite types of guys, but they'll never change and you'll spend your whole lives hoping they will. An asshole is an asshole is an asshole. You want a nice man- that doesn't mean he has to be a huge dork or boring as hell, but it means he has to treat you well no matter what.
    2) I really think you need to move out of your parents house. 27 is WAY too old to not be on your own. I am 27 and have not lived at home since I left for College when I was 17. If I had been living at home, I wouldn't have met (on jdate) my now husband at the age of 24. Just a thought...

    Wish you the best!

  6. I must say that I agree with the other commenters who say you should not expect a guy to have his own place when you don't have your own place. Sure, it's something to be desired, but you shouldn't judge because you don't know what his situation is. I know in many cultures its traditional to live at home until you get married. Secondly, he might be living at home to save up money to buy a house or to go back to school. Two very honorable reasons for voluntarily choosing to stay at home. (Now if he's sleeping on the couch and writing his name on the orange juice, that's another story!)

    You claim to be just all about trying to find a husband but fail to mention the caveat that being well off financially is a requirement. Not saying that's wrong - every woman wants a guy that's financially stable and able to provide for a family.. but that doesn't seem to be good enough for you.. he has to be well off. A cop is a good profession with great benefits, some of the best actually... so stop hating on the guy who makes a honest decent living and makes you laugh..

    And so what he wants to better himself.. ur already being selfish and making it all about YOU - that he won't have enough money to spoil you and lavish you with gifts. GROW UP SWEETIE!! Everything's not all about you. You're already showing you wouldn't be able to support your partner through wanting to better themselves cause all you're doing is thinking about yourself.

    Be happy to find a man who you're attracted to and who makes you laugh and you enjoy being with. As long as he has a decent job and makes a steady income, that's all that should matter. Forget this 'spoiled Jewish princess-housewife' fantasy of yours... it doesn't always work out like that... welcome to the real world.

    Besides, what would you prefer - a rich man who spoils you and has you 'sitting pretty' in some fancy house but you constantly have to worry about infidelity and he never spends any quality time with you... or the guy that makes a decent enough living but treats you like a princess and you enjoy being together. Money doesn't necessarily equal happiness. Maybe it does in the short run, but eventually that will fade, guaranteed. Believe that.

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