Friday, April 16, 2010

Update 22

Where do I begin??
The day after my last update was crazy. I had just updated that things were going okay with Crazy and that I liked him and wanted to be with him and I tried to defend what I was doing with him and the next day this happened....
Monday he was being quite distant. He said he wasn't feeling that well and he was hot because the air conditioner hadn't been turned on in his condo yet. He invited me to come out with his friends to break Passover at a sushi restaurant the following night. I was feeling really insecure abut how distant he had been so I messaged him on Tuesday afternoon and asked him if I could come over instead of just waiting until dinner time. He said that he was playing playstation with some friends and that I would be bored. I said " ok, then I won't come over". He said one of his famous passive lines that drives me up the wall "Do what you want".
I didn't go over. I waited til dinner time and went for sushi with him and his friends. I probably shouldn't have but I did. He was being weird. He didn't touch me at all. Two nights before he was all over me and couldn't keep his hands off of me and tonight, nothing. After dinner we went back to his condo with his friends and watched a Hebrew movie. I am the only one that is not fluent in Hebrew so I kept interrupting to ask "what did he say?" If I touched his hand, he moved it away and pretended to wipe sweat off his forehead. After his friends left I tried to touch his hand one more time and he moved it again so I got up and sat at the other side of the sofa. He asked what my problem was and we argued (only during commercials of course cause while the show was on I had to be quiet). I told him that it did not feel very nice to touch him and have him move away and avoid me and make me feel undesirable. I told him that it did not feel very nice that I am the one who has been making plans with him that last few times and that he doesn't seem excited to see me or make plans and its like he does me a favor like "sure, you can come over if you want". He told me that I am being ridiculous and over sensitive. He said it is because he is not feeling well and that its hot in his place. That I should stop planning and controlling and trying to force things to happen and just to let them happen naturally. I ended up falling asleep on the couch and waking up at 3:30 AM, he was still on the other end of the couch watching TV paying ZERO attention to me. He said that I looked too tired to drive home and that I could go sleep in his bed. I don't know why I said okay... but I did. I went to the washroom and got ready for bed, by the time I got to bed he was already in it, watching TV. I put my head on his shoulder and he left it there for a bit and then told me that I had too much hair and it was making him too hot. I rolled over to the other side and felt like such a desperate loser. How had this happened? I am confident and I think so highly of myself usually. I looked over and he had actually moved to the foot of the bed. The farthest possible place away from me that he could be. I took my phone and bbm mesaaged my best friend who was visiting Europe so it was already 10 AM where she was. I told her what happened and she wrote "Get your clothes on and get the F*ck out of his place you loser!" All of a sudden everything changed in my mind. What the hell was I doing? No man should make me feel like this especially not a Crazy, mind playing, manipulative ass! I got up and started to get dressed. He asked what I was doing and I told him that I was going home. He got very angry and yelled at me. He said "I told you that I am boiling hot you don't need to be so immature and dramatic and leave just because I am lying at the foot of the bed". I said I didn't care and if he was so hot then I didn't need to stay and crowd his space. He said his famous line "do what you want" which was ALL I needed to hear to walk out. He followed me out into the hall and gave me a hug and said sorry and to drive home safe. I said nothing and did not hug him back. He messaged me to see if I got home. The next day he messaged me and I gave him cold, one word answers.
My therapist suggested that I try doing the exact opposite of my gut reactions. Normally I would answer him right away or go over there or make sure he did not feel rejected or unwanted. So I decided that the opposite of that was to only worry about myself and how I feel. If I didn't feel like answering because I was out then I didn't answer. I didn't pretend that everything was okay because it wasn't. He asked me why I was ignoring him and I told him that there was no point to discuss it because I am not interested in fixing anything with him. The messages got less frequent and the last one was a very rude message on Saturday night (he was obviously drunk). He was trying to ruin my evening so I didn't even open it until I got home. I haven't heard from him in over a week and I intend to keep it that way. His friend called me and told me that he is very upset but he is too proud to call me. I said that it was better that way because we don't have a future together and we would have driven each other insane if this went on for very much longer. I do miss all of his friends cause they were amazing to me but its for the best. I do not regret any time that I spent with him or anything that happened. It all happened for a reason and made me a stronger person and made me realize one more thing that I do not want in a man.... CRAZY!


  1. Good for you! Wow, you deserve SO much better than that guy! For realz!

    (your friend in Europe's response was funny, and the perfect advice you needed)

    Stay strong, your man is out there!

  2. Do the exact opposite of your gut. LOL, that's kind of funny... and sad. But I'm glad you're learning.

    I know you don't need any more advice, but you've been on 30 something dates and they all seem to go the same way--he's too short, he doesn't pay, too this, too that, not hot, not successful. Maybe you should give up for a while and just go out and have a lot of sex. I'm serious, you're on this roll, and it's a bad one. Give up for a while and start going to bars and hooking up with people. Online dating is not working for you... there is something wrong here, because I refuse to believe it's all the guy's faults that you haven't clicked with anyone yet.

  3. FINALLY!!! Thank God! You were acting like a loser and you're not. STOP. IT.

    And, no, don't go out and hook up with random people. That's 1) dangerous (for your health) 2) pathetic 3) just another way of filling a void.

    Do what you keep telling yourself you're going to do (but never really act on it) and focus on you. Finish your 50 dates and then work it out for you, not for some man.


  4. No, I'm with second anonymous. Go out and have some sex with people you're not necessarily going to partner with. If you use protection, it's not dangerous, it's definitely not pathetic, and all of us have voids, and fill them with different things. Sex is a good thing, and makes you feel good and releases lots of good hormones within you. No reason it has to only be in committed relationships.

  5. Don't listen to DoGoodLawyer, he obviously hasn't been in a committed relationship.

  6. Of course I have, once for 4 years. That's a silly assumption to make. We clearly just have different views of relationships and sex.