Friday, February 19, 2010

FYI- My Ex-Fiance

I mentioned my ex Fiance briefly in a previous post and got a few emails asking what the story was with him so I will quickly explain. I don't want to confuse anyone... I was with my Ex Fiance from age 20-25 (and I was with my non Jewish Ex from 25- 26.5). I met him when I was 20. When I met him he was in active addiction. We started off as "friends" and I thought I could to save him... We spent everyday together and very quickly fell in "love". I became completely co-dependent over him. I don't want to get into it (that relationship can be a book on its own!) but I was in many scary situations with him in the first year of our relationship. He overdosed a bunch of times, I would go look for him at 3 in the morning in terrible parts of the city, drug dealers that he owed money to would call me looking for him etc. Long story short, I found a program called Al-Anon, got enough courage to set boundaries with him, he had some crazy stuff happen to him and he went to treatment and got clean. In the meantime, I became interested in the field of addiction, did my undergrad thesis on it, started working for an organization that helped addicts and then the two us together started programs to help teenagers get into recovery. Our program was so successful and has helped many teens change their lives and get off drugs. When I was 25 he proposed to me. It felt wrong. I so badly wanted to get married that I said yes and started to plan the wedding. I went away to school to do my Masters and met my non Jewish guy and called off the wedding.
I was honest with him about my fears of marrying him and he understood. He loved me enough to want the best for me. And he knew that he wasn't the best for me. We fought a lot and although he was sober, we still had the same addict/codependent relationship that we had while he was using. It was not healthy for either of us. Today he is 5 years clean and sober and he is doing amazing and I am so proud of him!
We are still best friends, we work together and hang out all the time and care a lot about each other but have no romantic feelings for each other. Well, at least I don't! And if he does, he respectfully hides it very well! It is because of him that I do what I do professionally and a big part of who I am today!

So that's the scoop about my Ex Fiance! Today we are both very grateful that we did not get married to each other! We both agree it would have been a disaster that would have ended in divorce or murder! We are much better as friends!


  1. I just have to say, after reading all of your posts, that you are a HUGE egomaniac and really need to take it down a level.

  2. I've never thought that once, and I've also read all your posts.

  3. Blogs are usually about people's own lives. I don't think you're egotistical at all. Write on!