Monday, March 8, 2010

Update 17

I wish I could say that week two was as good as week one....
While he was away on business he was messaging me and calling me constantly. I started to become aware of the fact that he was getting a bit possessive. If I didn't message him for a few hours he would get angry at me and ask me where I was and what I was doing that I couldn't take 5 minutes to write to him. I freaked out... I told him that I will not report to him and I will not be in a relationship where I can't go a few hours without talking to him. we had a serious talk about it. He said that at the beginning of a relationship two people should want to talk to each other all the time, they shouldn't be able to keep their hands off each other and want to spend lots of time together. Since most of my relationships have been with emotionally unavailable guys and I would have wished for them to be this in to me, I decided to give his way a try. I let my guard down and tried to embrace the fact that he really liked me and wanted to talk to me and be around me a lot. I started to get very attached. I know its only a short time but I tend to get attached quickly. He was once again hurt by the harsh way I reacted to his kindness. And once again he pulled back. He got back from his trip on Sunday night... when he got home I was already there with dinner ready because I knew that he had a long trip back. he was exhausted. After dinner we watched a movie and went to sleep. We spent the whole next day together. He was reserved and very distant. I tried to blame it on the fact that he was tired but I knew something was different. I tried hard to show him that I was in to him and that I wanted to try to make this work. I slept over again the next night. We fooled around a little bit but that's it. Barely any kissing or touching etc. It was really weird. The week before we were so passionate and crazy about each other and then a week later... nothing. He had to go away again for the next 5 days. We spent the weekend arguing and fighting over text (bbm). He told me that there were things that were bothering him about me. I made him tell me....
He said it bothered him that I was so close with my ex fiance.
It bothered him that I have many close guys friends that I hang out with (sometimes late at night)
It bothered him that I wanted a guy with money and that he doesn't have much of that right now while he is trying to build up his business
It bothered him that I said I never wanted to move out of the city I grew up in
It bothered him that we lost our chemistry in one week
and the list went on.....

I immediately became defensive and cold and with drawn. Some of that shit was hard to hear. I tried to explain myself and then decided its better not to. He sent me mixed messages the whole weekend. He tried being very mean and aggressive, hoping I would tell him to f off and not talk to me anymore... that didn't work. He tried telling me that he really cares about me and likes me but something doesnt feel right.... I asked him if he wanted out and he said no and then he told me that I should go out and date other people.... It was back and forth all weekend... He finally came home and called me. We talked. He said that he thinks I am a wonderful girl and feels like an idiot for not giving this more of a chance but he wouldn't feel right holding me back knowing how he feels about the situation. He said that he gave himself and opened up to me and I totally shot him down and soured the relationship for him....
There was no point arguing. It was too painful to try to sell myself or beg him to give us another try. So we decided to end it, very amicably, wishing each other well....

I had my reservations about him from the very beginning. I was terrified that I would fall for him and get in too deep to be able to get out. There were many red flags that I chose to ignore just because there was crazy chemistry and he was gorgeous. I threw my non-negotiable list out the window.... So when I hung up the phone I said to myself that G-d must have done for me what He knew I would not be able to do for myself... I was not meant to waste more time with this guy.. I am meant to be available to meet my soul mate...

I felt sad most of the day... I tried talking myself out of it but a feeling is a feeling and I was really upset. I don't know how many more of these mini failed relationships I can take. I get way too deep into them way to fast. I start planning a possible future after such a short time even when I see major red flags...

On top of all of it, I got into a fight with my ex fiance (who I am supposedly good friends with) and he said some really hurtful things about how it was hell to be with me and he doesn't know how anyone will be able to stand my controlling nature. I got up from the table, went into my car and drove the whole way home in tears....
My mom, trying to helpful, said stupid stuff as usual... I blew up at her and went to my room to cry some more...
I am feeling very emotional today. I hope tomorrow will be a better day....


  1. Um, that guy sounds like a raging lunatic. You're way better off without him.

  2. Agreed- he just wanted sex and he made that extremely clear from the beginning. Watch for the warning signs next time and trust your instincts.

  3. Girl.... I have been reading your blog for some time and we are so alike its crazy... But yeah, that last guy, he has way too many issues. Maybe gorgeous but definitely not mature emotionally. He sounded a little insecure in getting on your case about the other guys in your life.....however I had to hear about some of this from the guy I'm currently with when we first started going out. I didnt realize how selfish I was being by keeping this people in my life that he was uncomfortable with. Being my usual defiant and stubborn self, my first reaction was "You can't tell me who to be friends with" and "I knew them before i knew you" - but that was the wrong way to look at it. If these people are truly your friends they will understand if you tell them you can't talk to them or hang out with them as much out of respect for your new guy.

    Secondly, after things didn't go so well with the doctor, I'm beginning to think you may be being a little unrealistic with your expectations of these guys. The doctor probably was a great catch (albeit not perfect) but bottom line is this - no man of quality (attractive, educated, good job) and who has options is going to want to settle down after a couple weeks. You barely even know each other at that point. Its like this, when you're 22, 23 years old, its easy just to jump into a relationship because you're not even thinking about marriage, the future, plus you don't even fully know yourself yet. When you get into late 20's, early 30's people are more set in their ways, set in their careers, developed habits (good and bad) so its alot harder to just jump into something because there's more at stake. Plus no one wants to waste a shitload of time with the wrong person at this age.

    My current bf is what I would call a great catch - attractive, educated, funny, makes good money - but we dated for months before we made it "official." I had to play the game, I had to make some adjustments but at the same time I made it known I wouldn't be disrespected or given any subpar treatment just because he has alot of money or because other girls allowed him to treat them like that. I'm a great girl and I have options too. I stuck to my guns and it worked, now he's stuck like glue!! Lol.

    Even if you meet your perfect guy, chances are if he's all that you want, he's going to have options and other girls who will be willing to accept subpar treatment just to be around him. So its good that you're tough upfront but you can't be scared to show your soft side either. If youre hard all the time, it only makes a guy view you as an adversary.

    Bottom line is, if he's a great guy - you may have to date for a while before he will be ready to call you his girlfriend, sorry to say.

  4. And I should also add to the above that we're already discussing marriage and we're getting a place together later this year in lower Manhattan.

    So I think you can definitely get what you want (girl you need to be in NY!) but you will have to play the game a little bit more... all the "good" ones have options and they know it. If you try to force their hand, they will run the other direction. The key is to get them to realize you're not like all the other girls they've dated and you could care less about their resume or bank account if they don't know how to treat you right!!

    They know that lesser women become entranced by these things and as a result, end up getting played or used. You need to be the one that doesn't give a sh*t about all that and is just real from the door.

  5. I'm sorry I have to disagree with another comment on your blog here. One of the Anonymous comments said that if your guy wasn't comfortable with your friends then your friends should be understanding and back off a bit.

    I disagree with that.

    Yes some men are insecure and they'll have issues with you having close guy friends. However it seemed like he had issues with ALL her friends, not just the male ones. Ditching them for this guy would lead to her having ZERO life outside of this man pretty quickly. Not only that but if he really doesn't like her friends he's not going to be okay with "seeing them less". He'll still be upset and defensive if she sees them at all.

    It's a bit too early in a relationship to be giving up such a big part of yourself for someone else who you barely know.