Monday, March 22, 2010

My Twenty Ninth Date

I added this guy to msn months ago and we spoke on the phone. I don't remember much about the conversation but I do remember that it was long and not boring. He would randomly message me on msn every few weeks and remind me that we once spoke on the phone. Either timing was off (I was with the doctor and then with the crazy guy) or I just kept forgetting who he was....
He messaged me again this weekend because he saw me back on jdate. He said "It looks like things didn't work out with the guy, I'm sorry". I said "lol, no you are not". He asked if I would meet up with him. I was a bit hesitant, I was so worried that crazy would see us out together and freak out... Here is why:

The night before he messaged me and I only wrote back 2 hours later. He said "that took a long time", I said "I wasn't with my phone", He said "ya sure". We made small talk and then he just stopped responding. I didn't hear from him until 2 am. He was out with his friends for his bday, probably drunk and he knew I was out with my friends. He wrote that he never wants to talk to me again. I wasn't going to engage in his craziness so I just said ok. It was perfect, he said he never wants to talk again so now I didn't have to feel guilty for going back on jdate. As soon as I logged on to jdate the following morning (after not logging on for the month I was with crazy), I got a bbm message from crazy. He said "enjoy jdate, I have all your stuff here ready for you to come pick up". I was so freaked out! How the hell did he know I logged on that same minute?!?! Was he watching me somehow? Did he install something in my computer to tell him what sites I go on?? I quickly went to check his jdate profile but it said he last logged on a month ago.. I checked to see if any of his friends were online that might have called to tell him, they were not. I then realized that someone with a "new profile" from our city with his age and no picture had just viewed me. BUSTED! I called him on it right away. He said he only opened that account so that he could see if I logged on. He even offered to give me that password so that I could see that my profile is the only one he viewed. I asked why he would care if I logged on since we are just friends! He is so crazy! He doesn't want to be with me but he goes on to check if I am moving on. He got so mad at me. He really plays with my mind. I told him that its enough. I can't handle the game of push and pull anymore with him cause its driving me nuts. He said he never wants to talk to me again and then later that night he messaged me again... I am moving on... This is to crazy and dramatic for me. And I know a lot of people feel like I have been acting desperate but these are the kinds of mixed signals he has been giving me for the last 2 weeks... He says i like you so much and you are amazing and then he says that he can't give me what I deserve. Then he tells me go date other people and then he freaks out when I go out with my friends to a club on saturday night with out him. Yes, i know we are not together but for some reason I don't want to make him mad. Anyways, I'm done with excuses, its time to move on....

Back to my date....
I agreed to meet him for bubble tea before work. We met for about 40 minutes. He was pretty good looking, a bit shorter then I would like and bald (which isn't really my thing). He was already there when I walked in and he didn't get up from the table when I walked over. I had to bend down to say hi... The conversation was okay. I could tell he was a bit nervous. I told him that I recalled a conversation a few weeks back where he told me that he was seeing someone too. He said "its a long story" I said "I have time". He asked me not to judge but told me that he is seeing a woman but she doesn't mind if he dates other girls. I told him that such a girl doesn't exist.... He finally disclosed that she is a married woman who will never leave her husband. Very classy. I told him that I wouldn't judge, only because I couldn't care less about her and already knew that this guy was not for me. I had to leave for work so he took care of the bill and asked if I would go on a proper date with him another time. I said ok. I don't think I will actually go but after him being persistent for 3 months I figured I would just say ok. I left and went to work and thought about crazy guy....
I know it doesn't make much sense... I know that he likes me and there is something holding him back. I tried to figure out what it was and he is obviously scared of something. I like him. Him and all his craziness... I obviously can not waste anymore time trying to figure him out or waiting til he "comes around". But it just sucks that guys let fear get in the way of their decisions....


  1. I really commend you for all that you're doing, putting yourself out there and all of that, but I have to tell you- fear really does not get in the way of a man's decision if he really, truly likes a woman. Please, please read "he's just not that into you." I think you would benefit greatly from it. If a man likes a woman, NOTHING- and I mean nothing, will stand in their way of being with that woman. They will move mountains. And I'm sure you will find a guy who will move mountains to be with you shortly, but this guy is not. Please don't waste your time wondering about him or waiting for him to come around- and even if maybe he does eventually come around, do you really want to be with someone who "comes around" to dating you?? You deserve better!!

  2. You shouldn't be dating someone to be their therapist. Who cares if this guy is crazy, scared, confused, etc...? He said he doesn't want to date and that should be good enough for you to move on. Do you really want someone to be with you because you convinced them? You sound like a really nice person, but after reading your blog since the beginning, I can't help but see a huge decline in your decisions. It seems like date after date, you find a reason why the worse the guy, the more you want to be with them. I thought the whole point of this was to find your "basheret" yet I haven't even heard you use that term in so many of your recent blogs. I know that dating a Jewish guy is very important to you, but alongside that, isn't a sane, nice guy important too?

  3. This guy sounds like he doesn't know a good thing when he has it. Move on, close the door, and get the crazy out of your life! When a guy likes you and you like a guy...IT'S JUST THAT EASY! No drama, no mess, no fuss.

  4. OMG he sounds crazy! Stalker crazy!

  5. I love how you stay honest even though you're getting some harsh comments lately. :)

  6. block crazy man's #. His behavior is that of someone who may not be safe. Frankly, I'd let him give my stuff away or burn it before I contacted him again or answered his texts. He's controlling but out of control nonetheless...
    just sayin'