Saturday, August 7, 2010

My Forty Three . 5 th Date

On my plane ride home from Israel I sat down next to an Israeli guy who looked about 35. He had the window seat and I had the aisle seat. He didn’t say much but he asked if he could switch because he prefers the aisle. He was not polite and quite cold. Although I prefer the window, I almost didn’t want to switch just because of how he asked. I ended up saying yes and switched with him. The flight was at 1 am, so I curled up into a ball, put my pillow on the window and passed out for almost the entire flight. I woke up when there was about an hour and half left of the flight. And we started talking. He was actually one of the nicest people ever and I totally misread him as an asshole. He told me about his past and why he was coming to my city for only 4 days. He told me that he was married and had a baby. He told me so much in such a short time. I told him alot about myself and I told him about my ex and how I had come to Israel to get an answer and was leaving without one. He told me that he was only going to be in my city for 4 days for work and that he does not know anyone. I told him that there were a few things that he should see if he got any time off. He asked me if I had anytime to show him. I told him that I was off Wednesday night and we exchanged numbers and emails.

In my mind this was not a date. He was a married man and I did not even find him attractive. The way my family is we are always hosting people from Israel even if we don’t know them. Sometimes we will just get a call saying that “my cousins friend’s brother is in town can you please host him for a week” and we will. So that was my mentality in this case. He called me on Wednesday and I picked him up at his hotel and we grabbed dinner and I showed him a bit of the city.

He kept asking me really deep questions like if these were your only two options in the world which would you choose, and questions about my morals etc. I had fun answering them. Then he asked me why I wasn’t asking any of them back to him. I explained to him that I analyze people all day in my job and that it is nice to separate work from my social life and that I don’t like to “try to figure everyone out”. I just want to enjoy my dinner. I also told him that if there is something he wants to share then I don’t need tricky questions to get it out of him, I was sure that he would just share whatever he felt comfortable sharing. About an hour later he told me EVERYTHING. He told me about some shaddy business deal that he was involved in a few years back that he can’t forgive himself for being that greedy that he lost his morals. He told me about the death of his mother and how hard it has been for him and he even cried. A big tough Israeli guy was disclosing all his secrets and crying. It was kind of strange to me but he obviously needed someone to talk to. I guess he felt comfortable enough to share that with me.

At the end of the night I dropped him off at his hotel and he asked “what is your final thought of the night?” I said that I didn’t have one and I was too tired to thing of something whitty to say. He seemed insulted. “You don’t have any thought after spending the evening with me?” I said no and then I asked him the same question. He said that its better if he doesn’t tell me. I told him that it was obvious that he asked me that question because he wanted to tell me his answer and that I was not going to play this game with him. I told him to either tell me or not but I wasn’t going to ask him again. He said that he had a great evening and finds me extremely attractive and that being that comfortable with a woman to share what he shared is a huge weakness for him. I just smiled and said “well, its a good thing we are both moral people because you are a married man. He smiled back and got out of the car.

The reason I labelled this date as 43.5 is because it was not an actual date but it turned out to kind of be one. I also learned that because in my mind it wasn’t a date I was so relaxed and fun to be around. I wasn’t worried what he was thinking of me at all. I also allowed myself to be totally non judgemental because I was not judging him asa potential mate or husband or father so I actually had a conversation with him and got to know him. Had this been a real date I would have asked different questions to find out if he would be a good mate instead of just enjoying his company and getting to know him as a person. So I will take that lesson to future dates. I had no real interest in him but I would have written him off after the first half hour and never allowed myself to have a good time had I been judging him as a potential mate. So I am glad that I got to enjoy myself on the non date-date and learn something new about the way I have been going on dates. I need to chill J


  1. I wish you would stop even comparing this to any sort of date, whether it's a half date or not. Imagine how his wife, home with their baby, would feel if she read this post? You should be ashamed of yourself. I don't care how many times you try to convince yourself that you didn't think it was a date, you did. The only reason you weren't asking him all those questions is because you wanted to seem mysterious and not desperate enough to go after a married man, which I have a feeling you would have, had he made any sort of move at all. Luckily, he knew better and probably realized how much better he has it to be married to the woman with whom he fell in love, married and had a baby.

  2. OMG that man should be ashamed of himself. Obviously you didn't feel it was a date, but I'm pretty sure he did. His poor wife omg imagine being in her spot!
    Like you said, at least you have morals because he is a married man. Hopefully it made him think.