Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Update 50
I took my blog offline about a year ago because my anonymity was broken in my hometown and some of the guys figured out that they were in my blog and got offended by what I wrote. I have decided to put it back online and if anyone would like me to remove a post about them I would be happy to do so.
We got married on October 30, 2011. We had the most beautiful wedding. It was perfect. Every last detail! And I was the calmest bride. It was just so meant to be that I was relaxed and calm and enjoyed every second of it. We finally bought a house too! We are right near my parents, his parents, my sister and one of his sisters. The house is exactly what we were looking for and we have been renovating it since January 2012. After the wedding he took me on a surprise honeymoon. He told me to pack my suitcase and I had no idea where we were going!! It is so strange for me to be so trusting and not controlling! We landed in India and had the most amazing 3 weeks! He planned every last detail. We lived like kings for the entire time we were there. We stayed at the best hotels and ate the best food and had the best time together. After the honeymoon we came home packed up the car with all our stuff and dogs and headed to Florida to his (now our) winter house. I am so glad that we are in Florida while we are renovating our other house because I think if we were there we would be way too stressed out. I have flown home a few times to choose floors and tiles and kitchen etc. but for the most part our trust is in the architect (his father) who is taking amazing care of the project!
Living in Florida for the last 6 months has been wonderful. I thought I would hate it but I don't! We have had a few people come visit us and it as been fun. We get along so well and barely argue! I am learning to be a good housewife... I do all the grocery shopping and I make dinner sometimes. He is a way better chef than I am so we split the cooking. I am volunteering at 3 different agencies here and I am loving it! I feel like I am really making a difference here and helping people that would not otherwise be able to access my help.On the weekends we have so much fun together. We go out on the boat, for picnics, go for dinners and shows and movies and festivals and charity galas. We even hosted a street BBQ a few weeks ago! I honestly don't know where the last 6 months have gone! The winter is over and it is almost time to go back home (just waiting for the renos to be finished).
I am excited to move back and see friends and family and have pool parties and dinners at our new house. He is stressed about moving back because our lifestyle there will be totally different. In Florida it is just the two of us. No commitment, no plans, no family members, NO STRESS. When we move back, we will be busy every evening and every weekend we will have some family dinner or someones birthday party or something will always be going on. I have enjoyed our alone time but I am so excited to be social and busy again!!!
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Update 49
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Update 48
Update 47
I know you're not there to confide in, but why should I still try to
stay strong?
All my trying to do what's best for me, for you, for happiness, for what?
I keep hearing Sinead O'Connor singing that 'nothing compares to you' song.
I've a bad head, that weighs fear in my decisions.
I make choices with my mind and watch my heart bleed.
I shouldn't say this, but its been seven weeks and fifteen months.
I don't think you know how bad it hurts and it won't recede.
I want to grow old with someone
I want to know that they will never leave me
I want them to know we are in it together, no matter what.
I want to love them so much it hurts and in the end smile
But baby, I'm not smiling through these tears
I don't know how to put my pieces back together now that you're gone
---
Maybe this can end on a happy note. I loved what we had, I don't know
if I will find anything like it again and the fear tears me up still
sometimes.
one day maybe
The amount of times you tried to push me away, the amount of times I cried over you. I had one thing that was making my decision a living hell and it was conversion. You said you wouldn't do it. Your arrogance and ego allowed you to allow me to go date 50 other men thinking I was going to come back. In fact you were not even sad. You dated and slept with women and flirted and had a ball. Then you contact me on my birthday and got my feelings back to the surface and then ripped my heart out again one more time the following day. It was not until you deceitfully read my blog and found out that I was with D for two months and happy that you decided to contact me and try to mess me up all over again. And still I held you high enough that I decided to try a friendship with you despite possible ramifications with my relationship. And now, NOW that you find out its for real and I am engaged, you decide to wake up and feel sad?!?!?! You are only sad cause you are lonely and I am not and you are the most competitive person I know. If you had someone you would not even realize I was gone. If you love someone and want to be with them you compromise and do whatever it takes to be with them. No games, no chances, no risks. You let fear govern your decisions for most of our relationship and I thought that was normal but its not. I now know what I am willing to do for the person that I am going to marry and that is anything and everything in the whole wide world to make his life easier and better while trusting that he would do the same. After eight days, without fear of rejection or fear of scaring me off, he said he loved me. After 8 months, he bought a ring to make sure I would be his forever, without fear of judgement that it is "too soon". Without hesitation I agreed to move to Florida with him knowing that it is not my ideal situation but that it is so important for him to make sure his old dogs do not suffer through the winter. When you find the right girl you will do anything to be with her and you will never take the chance of willingly letting her go. I was obviously not your "the one" or none of this would have happened and we would still be together, which means, she is still out there somewhere. And ever though I don't even feel like saying this next sentence or saying anything positive to you I still will because at one point you meant the world to me. Get the F out of bed, out of your dark head and into the world. Go do something, anything. Start loving yourself again like you did when I knew you and then you will attract an awesome girl. Take the lessons that you need from our relationship, don't copy your mistakes, and then you will able to move on in no time at all.
Update 46
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Update 45
Monday, February 21, 2011
Update 44
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Update 43
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
Update 42
Monday, December 20, 2010
Update 41
Friday, December 10, 2010
Update 40
My sister and her husband are away on their honeymoon. Since my sister works for my dad and there is no one to cover for her, I had to or else she couldn't really go at this time. I am also watching her house and puppy. My boyfriend moved in with me there for the 2 weeks and together we now have 4 dogs... kill me!! We have my Minpin, my sisters Yorkie, his yellow lab and his big black dog. I am working about 60 hours this week and next week, my sisters job and mine. It has been fun playing house but I realize that when we are both working so much, we are not going to have much time to spend together even if we live together. Some nights he finished working and came to bed at like 5 in the morning when I was already sleeping for hours. And then I left at 8 am while he remained sleeping.
I got very irritated with my ex. He called me to tell me about his business idea. He decided to quit his job in Europe a year early. The same job that he told me he couldn't quit because he was on contract with them for 3 years and I would have to move there to be with him until his contract was up. Then he tell me that he knows of a place about an hour from where I live where he thinks we can start a camp type wilderness program for teens. An hour from where I live!!!! A year ago I would have begged him on my hands and knees to quit his job and move here!!! Now that I am with someone else and happy, he does everything that I had wanted him to do a year ago. The real kick in the ass was when he told me that if it had felt more right then he would convert. I was wanting him to say that there was some hope of conversion for the entire time we were together and now he says it?!?!?
Anyway, I listened to his idea about the camp and then told him that besides the fact that I would need to see numbers to see if it actually made sense.... How would I explain to my bf that I am going to be spending three weeks every other month alone in the forest with my ex.
The next day I got a message saying "My mom says to just tell him that I am not Jewish". WOAH!!!! Passive agressive much?? Why dont you tell me how your mom really feels??? I was so angry and upset that he would say that to me. Like what a stab for no reason. Just tell him I am not Jewish and then he wont worry about us hanging out... as if he is telling me that I think he is dirt or less then or I view myself as above him. And as if my bf gives a crap about his religion and would want me alone in the woods with any guy, period. It was an ignorant comment and there was no reason to go there and bring up Judaism again. I felt very attacked and was surprised that he went there. These little things that he is doing just helps me realize that i have made the right decision. And that the issue of Judaism would have eventually come up with his family and they would resent me if he ever converted or even if I wanted to raise my children Jewsih.
I also have been having a pretty sad week. I'm not sure if everyone heard the news but last friday in Israel there was a crazy fire. They lost millions of trees and had to evacuate thousands of people. And there was a bus with about 40 students studying to be Generals in the police that were going to help evacuate a prison. The bus caught on fire and my cousin was one of the students that was literally burned alive on the bus. She is the one that i just spent the summer with. She was newly married and planned to have a baby next year. She just wanted to finsih this course and then wanted to start her family. Our hearts are all broken from this loss. We have decided to plant a forest in Israel in her memory. My dad is going to buy the first 180 trees and friends and family will donate to buy the other 820 trees to compleate the forest in her memory. I spoke to her husband. He is broken. She was his universe. He really loved her so much. I watched them interat when I stayed with them this summer and he was crazy about her. After talking to him and crying with him. I realized two things. One is that I need to be as in love as they were with the person I marry and second, I am way too scared to love another person that much because what if they are taken from you or leave. I have been having all kinds of crazy thoughts and bad dreams this week and I hope she is in a better place cause we all miss her terribly.
I am getting ready to go to Florida with my bf. He has a house there and will be staying there for most of the winter. We are driving down so that he can have his car and dogs there and then both our moms are flying down to meet us a few days later. I think the plan is that they will babysit thedogs so that we can get away for a few days on a crusie or something :)
Although I am starting to learn some of his flaws and see that he is not perfect, I really like him and I am happy with him. We have tons of fun together and laugh like crazy. And he sometimes really surprises me with how sweet and romantic he can be! For Hannukah he got me a beautiful black pearl necklace and he is always thinking of me with flowers and chocolates and sweetness. I am a lucky girl.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Update 39
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Update 38
Monday, October 18, 2010
Update 37
Monday, September 13, 2010
Update 36
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
My Forty Sixth Date
He found me on jdate 3 months ago before I stopped going online. We exchanged bbm’s. He lives half the year in one state but his family lives here and so does he for the other half. We spoke a few times but it never worked out to meet. When he was in town I was busy or I was out of town and it just never worked out. After I got back from Israel he messaged me and told me that he was back in town for the next 4 months and would love to finally meet me. We made plans for Friday night but he ended up asking if we could change it to Saturday. I was fine with that because the rabbi had asked me to come over anyways (that’s the night I was over til 2 am and cried my eyes out). So the next night I met him. I had promised the rabbi to go with a good attitude and not to dismiss him for shallow things, like I had been doing on every date.
He was not as tall as I usually like and he was balding; both things that would have not gotten him a second date in the past. But I didn’t pay any attention to it. He took me out for a beautiful dinner and salsa dancing. He was not a great dancer but he couldn’t have cared less! He had so much confidence! He was a gentleman. He opened doors and arranged the whole evening. We had great conversation and time was just flying by. After dinner he told me that he needed to walk his dogs and asked if I wanted to join. I didn’t want the night to end so I went with him and his 2 dogs for a walk. He didn’t try anything. He was respectful and kind and gentle. All qualities I have been saying I want (like my ex was) and yet going out with the opposite of that. As soon as I left I got a bbm message saying “You looked absolutely beautiful tonight”. It was so sweet and simple and I finally was in a place where I was able to hear that form someone without dismissing him as a desperate nerd. He asked me to let him know when I got home safe and I couldn’t wait to get home to call him. His first question was “when am I taking you out again”. He was so assertive and confident and I just really liked him. I told him that since it was my sister’s wedding the following weekend, I was going to be very busy and that my only free day was Monday. He said perfect, I will make a reservation at a cool place right away. I was so not used to someone that was taking charge and making all the plans and wanting to make me so happy. We went out Monday and had an even more incredible time. We went to a really cool place and held hands for 3 hours. I felt like a teenager, getting excited about holding hands. Our chemistry was insane! We kissed that night at the table and it was a perfect first kiss. Wednesday night some cousins came in from out of town for the wedding and I invited him out with us. I saw him again Thursday and again on Friday. Sunday was my sister’s wedding. I debated inviting him but decided against it. It was too soon and I wanted to take it slow. I didn’t want to attract any evil eye to jinx this. And I didn’t want all the crazy old people to ask him when we are next after only knowing each other for a week. He came over while we were taking the pictures and took my dog for the entire day cause he didn’t want me to have to worry about her while I was so busy. HOW NICE IS THAT?!?!? He kept looking at me like he had never seen a more beautiful girl in his life. I felt so amazing! He then picked me up from the wedding and drove me home. He came in for a bit and we just lay in bed together kissing and cuddling. We kiss great together. I saw him again on Monday and today he left for a trip for two weeks. He told me he has never felt like this before and that he wants me to come with. I told him he was crazy and that it was too soon, even though I sooo wanted to go with him. He told me that he was going to miss me like crazy even though we just met. He left and I miss him. It sounds crazy but I miss him. I really do. Keeping my fingers crossed for this one. I have a really great feeling about him. He treats me how every woman should be treated and it is nice not to have a heavy heart for once. I told him all about my story with my ex and how the night before I spoke to the rabbi and had we gone out Friday instead of Saturday it would have been our first and last date. He kissed me and told me that he believes that everything happens for a reason. And he asked if he could send the rabbi flowers to thank him, lol.
The scariest part is that the night before I met him, I prayed for a Jewish version of my ex and he treats me even better (so far) and has the same ideas about a relationship. The most insane part is that I asked him his Hebrew name and I almost burst into tears when he told me.... it’s the same name as my ex. Quite literally the Jewish version of my ex, just like I asked for.
Just when I was about to give up on G-d and Judaism and this experiment, G-d threw me a curve ball :)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Update 35
My Forty Fifth Date
Monday, August 9, 2010
Update 34
A Jew Wish
Showtimes:
SAT 8/14 - 10:00 PM
SUN 8/15- 6:15 PM
MON 8/16- 10:00 PM
TUE 8/17 - 4:15 PM
FRI 8/20 - 4:45 PM
http://www.fringenyc.org/